


The Tutor

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Highschool AU, M/M, Probably more characters soon, Tutoring, angsty, maybe smut soon, whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2583569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You didn't want a tutor. You didn't need a tutor. But according Ms. Paint, you did. Plus, the fact that you don't even know who this guy is just makes it worse. What if he's really weird? Or nerdy? Or.. A troll?<br/>---<br/>You didn't want to tutor anyone. You didn't need to tutor anyone. But according to Ms. Paint, you sort of did. Fuck your life. You already know who you're tutoring. And from the rumors you hear, you know this won't go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brief Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> What am I doing with my life.. Ok well, I'm starting this new series. Hope you guys enjoy.

* * *

     Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're currently sitting in your English class after school hours. Ms. Paint had asked you to stay after school today and you assumed she was just going to "have a chat" with you about your recent essay. So you used a few bad words, who can really blame you when it's an essay about the Holocaust? Fuck those guys. You may not be a human, but killing off thousands of people because of religion is some grade-a bullshit. Straight up culling right there.

     "Mr. Vantas?" Oh Ms. Paint is talking to you (finally). Maybe you should listen.

     "Yes Ms. Paint? What is it you wanted?" Prepare for a lecture in 3... 2... 1-

     "I would like you to tutor a student of mine that's been having some.. Troubles.. Lately. As one of my star students, I think you should tutor him. Not to mention he is your age."

     You blink, "What?" No, seriously, what? You've never tutored anyone. Ever. And a star student? You could've sworn on your life that she hated you. 

     "I want you to tutor someone, Karkat. In fact, you kind of have to."

     Wow okay. This is really shocking actually. As a troll, you've always been pretty much judged your whole life. It's been at least 100 years or so since trolls "invaded" Earth. Really, Alternia's government was falling apart and you guys needed a place to go. You were unwelcome at first, but as time passed trolls were accepted into the world and blah blah blah blah blah. Look, trolls were basically humans, except super put-down. They were often bullied, graded worse, given worse jobs, etc. Very few people actually liked trolls.

     "Karkat, will you tutor him?"

     "Sure, yea I guess," why not? What's the harm in helping a fellow peer? Also, Ms. Paint gives 10 points extra credit to your final grade if you tutor other students. (You may be at a 98, but what's so wrong with some points to fall back on?)

     "Oh, very good. I'm not sure if you know him, it's David Strider."

     Fuck.

     You almost said that out loud, but  _fuck._  

     Okay so now you're changing your mind. You didn't want to tutor anyone. You didn't need to tutor anyone. But according to Ms. Paint, you sort of did. Fuck your life. You already know who you're tutoring. And from the rumors you hear, you know this won't go well. 

\---

     Your name is David Strider. Dave Strider, actually. You always hated the name David. It's so formal. It's so snobbish. It's so  _uncool._

     See, that's what you're all about. Being cool. And being ironic. But mostly cool.

     Some people, like your cousin for instance, think that this is all a facade. A scheme of sorts that you wear to mask the fact that you are extremely lame. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Yea, no. You're cool. You're cooler than cool. You're ice cold. (Alrightalrightalrightalrightalright..)

     Anyway, being cool and all means you don't really have time for grades and all that nonsense. Man, fuck that. You maintain a solid C-average. Of course your teachers are greatly disappointed. Some of them think you can do better and others think you should drop out and be a fry-cook for the rest of your life.

     Between you and yourself, you can do better. No really, you can. You're a genius. Okay maybe not a genius, but you're really smart. 

     School is the most boring hellhole in the world to you. You don't even have to try. When you take tests, you answer a few questions expertly and then answer the rest completely wrong. No teacher has ever caught onto your schemes. No teacher has ever cared enough to try and help you. No teacher has ever attempted to break through to you. Until now.

     You didn't want a tutor. You didn't need a tutor. But according Ms. Paint, you did. Plus, the fact that you don't even know who this guy is just makes it worse. What if he's really weird? Or nerdy? Or.. A troll?

     You're a pretty reasonable guy, sure. You've never bullied a troll or been rude to them. But you don't talk to them. God, that is _so_ uncool. 

     So anyway, you're on your way to Ms. Paint's classroom. Just a few more feet, a turn here, a couple of steps, another turn, and-

     Oh.

\---

     Oh.

     Yea, that's Dave alright. He looks really shocked to see you here. Maybe he's kind of shocked to see that he has to be tutored by a troll? You'd probably be shocked if you were him. Gosh how  _embarrassing._ Needing to be tutored in your own language by someone who isn't from the same country, much less the same planet. Wow. You almost laugh out loud right on the spot.  _Almost._

     "Karkat, this is David. You'll be tutoring him for as long as he needs it, he has a lot of learning to do," Ms. Paint smiles warmly at you both, "Go ahead and introduce yourselves."

     You hold your hand for him to shake it, "Hi, I'm Karkat."

\---

     He's a  _troll._ Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. How  _embarrassing._  Needing to be tutored in your own language by someone who isn't from the same country, much less the same planet. Wow. This sucks. 

     Ms. Paint told you two to introduce yourselves, but you don't like introductions. Never have. Never will. Introductions are just stupid to you. If someone doesn't know who you are already then they are obviously too uncool for you. You're the coolest guy in school. Everybody knows you.

     You ignore the outstretched hand, "Yea hey, I'm Dave."

     He puts his hand back down awkwardly, wow, the guy even looks hurt. How uncool.

     "If you two don't mind, I need to leave now, it is Friday after all," Ms. Paint stands up and starts ushering you both out, "Go make plans in the hall or something."

     So yea, that's what you do. You're both in the hallway, just standing there. You could cut the awkward tension with one of your katanas. You just hope you can get this over with. The sooner this guy gives up on you, the sooner you can pretend like you never met him.

     "Look buddy, this is great and all, and I mean really really great. But can we please make some plans? Any? Will you talk? Honestly this is so-"

     "Uncool? Yea we get it, you love being cool," woah okay what? That was rude. "Look, I don't want to tutor you, okay? I really don't. But you know what? I'm gonna do it anyways. Maybe because I like fucking with myself, whatever. Just. Are you free today?"

     You decide you don't like this guy. What an ass. He seems like an ass. You like to poke fun at asses, "You like fucking with yourself? Wow. Sounds like someone never gets laid."

     The glare you receive is.. Wow. Best glare you've ever seen. Ever. 

     "Listen asshole. Are. You. Free. Today?" 

     "You're kidding, right?" Right? "Dude it's  _Friday._ Obviously I'm not free today. I have a party to go to, ever heard of one of those?"

     He rolls his eyes and pulls out a phone, "Just give me your number and we can meet up tomorrow or something."

     "Oh-em-gee! Kitkat is asking for my number! I'm swooooooning," oh yea. You are so cool.

     "Give me your fucking number before I rip your annoying voice straight out of your throat before you can say 'ice cold'"

     Wow. That got violent. Really fast. "Ok ok, dude, chill. Seriously, you need to not be so.. I dunno, over-dramatic..?"

     He holds his phone out to you and you punch in your number. You change the name from "David" to "Hottie ;)". Oh yea. That is wicked ironic right there. Not only does it compliment you, but it's true. You're definitely hot. And totally not narcissistic. 

     He just pockets it with a sigh, "I'll talk to you tomorrow," and then he leaves. You leave too.

\---

     Dear GOD. That guy is  _such_ a douche. Talk about narcissistic too. Hottie? With a winky face?? You think you might vomit.

     Whatever. You're really not looking forward to tutoring this guy. You know exactly how it'll go too. He's going to spend the entire time being a douche and you're going to spend the entire time hating your past-self more and more. What have you gotten yourself into? You can't teach. Shit. You can't teach. You actually don't know what to do. What do you do? 

     A deep part inside of your brain suggests you ask your brother for advice. Your brother has tutored many students in his highschool career and they have soared to greater heights. But then again, you could just do a quick internet search. 15 minute internet search or 15 hour lecture? Yea, the choice is pretty obvious.

     The walk home is uneventful. As it always is. You are really regretting your decision to tutor Dave. The entire walk home is spent with you cursing yourself. Why? Why why why? Why did you do this? Why?

 

 


	2. Session Number (D)One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is chapter 2 and don't even ask when chapter 3 is coming because I really don't know. Just enjoy I guess.

* * *

     It's Saturday morning and you're up at 10AM. Why? Because you slept in, duh. You normally wake up around 6AM like the nerdy weirdo you are. Except you're not really "nerdy", just smart. 

     Anyways, you pull out your phone so you can text "Hottie ;)" (aka: Dave Stridouche). It's highly unlikely that he'd be up at this hour. All the cool kids wake up around noon and everybody who's anybody knows that.

     You text him anyways because maybe the guy has a ringtone that'll wake him up early. You'd love to do that.

HEY ASSHOLE, ARE YOU AWAKE?

     The response you get is almost immediate. This poses two questions: Does Dave sleep with his phone right by his head? Or was he already awake anyways? Either way, you don't care.

  
well obviously i am now  
ALRIGHT WHATEVER, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A TUTOR SESSION TODAY?  
aw see man thats the thing  
like i would totally love to and all  
but my bro is working from home today  
and he likes things to be hella quiet and stuff  
OK WELL I HAVE THIS THING CALLED A "HOUSE". YOU SHOULD STOP BY SOMETIME.  
oh yeeeaaa  
think you can gimme a ride?  
YOU HAVE A LICENSE.  
so do you  
NO I DON'T.  
you dont have a license?  
did you not pass the test?  
DO YOU CHOOSE TO BE CULTURALLY UNAWARE OR ARE YOU JUST THAT STUPID?  
too stupid duh  
i have to be tutored dont i?  
TROLLS CAN'T GET LICENSES UNTIL THEY'RE 10 SWEEPS OR 21 YEARS OLD.  
oh dude that sucks  
YES, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT IT "SUCKS".  
THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER  
any time dude  
UGH WHATEVER. CAN YOU GET HERE?  
what you mean like right now?  
NO I WAS THINKING NEXT YEAR. DUR DUR DUR.  
OBVIOUSLY RIGHT NOW YOU DUMBASS.  
can you give me like an hour?  
SURE, WHATEVER.

     You then proceeded to give Dave your address (as well as have him annoy the crap out of you some more). Wow. This would be pleasant, right? At least it was just you and Kankri at home today, dad had some last-minute prayer session thing at the church. Whatever. 

\---

     You roll out of bed. Or at least you did around 8AM. You never tell anyone, but you actually don't sleep in much. Weird, right?

     Anyways, you're chilling in your room doing nothing important whatsoever when Karkat texts you asking if you're up. What a dumb question. Honestly, if you were asleep then you couldn't answer. And it's not like you can text back "no" because you obviously have to be awake to text. It's like texting 101: don't ask if people are awake, you'll look a complete ass.

     Then again, Karkat is an ass. You've known the guy for maybe a few hours and you already know that he's an ass. Why? Because he is an ass. Duh.

     After that long conversation (which was mostly spent with you being a little shit), you get up and head into the shower. After the shower you get dressed. After you get dressed you eat some breakfast. It's pretty routine stuff. 

     "Yo Dirk," your brother is in the kitchen making a sandwich.

     "How can I be of service brother dearest?" Damn. The irony included in that sentence. Your brother truly is the master. Well, between you two he is. If you were to add in your  _other_ brother (Bro), then you'd both lose. Hands down. Either way, you're the least ironic of the three Strider's. Nuff said.

     "Can I borrow your truck?"

     "Nope," he finishes the sandwich and starts eating it. 

     "Dude c'mon I need it, and you're obviously not going anywhere today," Dirk's just in boxers and you know he just started working on some stupid new robot. He has no use for the truck.

     He smirks, "You're right, I'm not going anywhere today."

     "Dirk please, I need to go somewhere."

     "Where you going?"

     "I have to go to some kid's house, he's tutoring me."

     "You need a tutor?"

     "Yea, my English teach, Ms. Paint, thinks I need one."

     He narrows his eyes behind his shades. You can tell because his eyebrows kinda furrow and his lips move into a curious pout, "I thought you were smart kid."

     "Cool kids aren't smart," doesn't he know that? He's kinda cool, not really as outgoing as you though. You're like a 'people wanna be you' type cool whereas Dirk is an 'aloof badass' type cool. Either way, he should still know.

     "Whoever told you that was high as fuck," nonetheless he grabs his keys from the counter and tosses them to you, "Raise your grades Dave, I know you're smart."

     You shrug and get up to leave. Whatever. You got what you wanted and a lecture was not part of that. 

     One short drive later and you're at Karkat's house. Well, you're at the house he gave you directions to. The whole neighborhood is one of those suburban places where everyone has the white picket fence and the same exact yard. Gross. You hate these places.

     You park in the street and hop out of the truck, walking up the cobblestone path that leads to the door. You may or may not hop from one stone to the next instead of just walking like a normal person. It may not be very cool, but it's not like there's anyone around to see it.

     After a ring of their fancy doorbell, the door opens. It's Karkat, except his sweater is red instead of the gray one he was wearing the other day. He also looks older. And his hair is differently styled. And he's taller. Wait, this isn't Karkat.

     "Oh hello there, you must Karkat's new student, David Strider. I don't believe we've met before although I think I might have met your brother, Dirk, a few times. You two look somewhat similar I suppose. Then again, most brothers do. Take Karkat and I for example, we look almost identical. We are not twins however, I'm about two years older than him. Most trolls do look more similar than humans though anyways if they have the same slurry used for them. Oh, my apologies, I should have triggered that before saying it. Tell me, are you triggered by the sexual reproduction of trolls? Most people are triggered about sexual reproduction in general although I'm not sure why. It's a natural process. Maybe I feel so indifferent towards it because of my celibacy vow. The fact that I never will reproduce may add to the fact that I am not bothered by reproduction. Anyways, where was I? Oh right, I'm Kankri Vantas, Karkat's older brother."

     You blink a few times, mouth slightly open in awe. How could anyone talk so much? And so fast too? Is he a robot? 

     "David? Are you going to answer me? I know I did not ask a question, but most conversations are contributed to by two or more parties. Unless you're mute. Are you mute? Or deaf? My apologies if you are, I did not know. I know a few people myself that are mute and deaf. Well, not mute  _and_ deaf. One is mute and one is deaf. I'm sure you understood that though. Or maybe not, you are being tutored after all."

     "Uh.." do you just ask to come in? Is that rude? Honestly, you've been standing on the porch for like 5 minutes now.

     "Hm.. You obviously are not deaf or mute. Maybe you have some mental problems? If you don't mind my asking are you mentally challenged or-"

     "Kankri what the fuck?!" Oh thank god, it's Karkat.

     "Oh, Karkat. I was just introducing myself to your new student, David. Between you and I, he seems a bit mentally challenged, you may need to talk slowly. Also, please trigger your language Karkat, It's quite offensive and I can't imagine father would enjoy hearing you say those types of things."

     "Dad's not even here so who cares? Just fuck off Kankri. Go find someone else to lecture."

     "I was not-!"

     "Fuck off!" And with that, Karkat gives his brother a shove away.

     "Trigger your violence Karkat  _please._ You are so immature sometimes," Kankri leaves and goes upstairs. Presumably to his room.

     "Sorry about that, he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes," A muffled "I heard that!" comes from upstairs. Karkat rolls his eyes and invites you in. 

     You (finally) walk into Karkat's house and look around. It's not too shabby actually. For some reason you expected him to live in some rundown shack or something. That's just where you assumed trolls live. But no, it's actually quite nice. Much bigger than your apartment that's for sure.

     There's a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, a bathroom, a few closets, and some other rooms upstairs. Probably bedrooms and more bathrooms. The whole place is painted in different shades of gray and red, which look pretty cool to you actually. Also, the place is fucking spotless. They must be neat-freaks or something because hot damn.

     Karkat leads you into the living room and you plop down on the couch, "Can I get you anything? Soda? Snacks?"

     "No thanks I'm fine," what a great host he is. Offering you food and all. Maybe he's not that much of an ass.

     He sits down next to you and starts thumbing through the textbooks that were laid out on the coffee table. English, English, and English. Yay.

     The whole session goes pretty well. Karkat just covers basic stuff and you act dumb and pretend not to understand at times. "Wait so homophones are the ones that are spelled the same, right?" It pretty much goes like that. By the end, you pretend to have learned some stuff and Karkat seems a little proud of himself.

     Your stomach growls. Oh wow look at that, it's already 5. You've been here for 6 hours. Really? You've been studying for that long?

     Karkat looks at you, "Hungry much?"

     "Yea it's been like six hours since I last ate man, I'm like a starving child in Africa."

     He gets up, "Want me to cook you something to eat? Our tutoring session is pretty much over anyways, I don't want to cram your tiny brain full of too much information."

     "Nah that's fine, I think I'll just head home and eat."

     "Are you sure? My dad probably won't be home until late, I can cook something for both of us to share."

     You're about to refuse him again when you think about what food you actually have at home. PB&J sandwiches, canned tuna, and some of your Bro's leftover whipped cream from earlier that week. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay and eat..? Then again you've already spent six hours with this guy- actually, with this  _troll_. If your friends found out, you'd probably lose all your coolkid status. Who cares if he has food? You can't risk it.

     But then he says something that catches your attention, "We have mac'n'cheese I think and I think Kankri brought home apple juice the other-"

     "I'll stay for another hour or so I suppose."

     He looks a little offended that you interrupted him, but he goes off into the kitchen anyways. You take the time to look at all the pictures you see hanging around the room. They look pretty interesting.

     There's a few pictures of Kankri with various ribbons or medals or certificates. "Mathlete of the Year", "Debate Team Champion", "National Honors Society Medalist", the list goes on. Looks like Karkat's brother is quite the genius. Also, quite that social-justice activist. Good for him.

     Then there's a family Christmas photo. They're all in really gaudy sweaters. You give it some ironic credit. Karkat looks extremely pissed off, Kankri looks like he was in the middle of talking (probably complaining), and Mr. Vantas looks happy as a clam. Speaking of Mr. Vantas, holy  _shit._ The guy looks like he could beat you to a pulp. He's not fat or overweight or anything, just muscular and all. He seems like one of those "grizzly bear that's really a teddy bear" type of guys. Seems like a cool dad.

     Here's a few pictures of Karkat. There's one of him riding a bike, one of him in a spelling bee, one of him in a karate uniform (you didn't know he took karate), and a few other various ones. You notice there's no baby photos. Same goes for Kankri. Whatever, not your business. There's a picture of Karkat with some other girl who looks kinda like him. She's a bit taller and her horn things are kinda different, but she looks vaguely familiar. It's not really the girl you're focused on though, it's Karkat. The dude's actually smiling for once. 

     In the entire time you've known Karkat, short-lived as it may be, he has never once smiled. He hasn't even laughed. Which is odd, because you were making some pretty grade-a jokes. The most you got was a slight snort. But here he is in this picture, smiling big and wide with this girl. He looks.. Not bad, actually. His teeth are more like fangs which is a bit creepy, but he doesn't look half-bad. Hell, if he was a human guy, you might go as far as to say he looked attractive. But he's a troll, so, no.

     It's not like you hate trolls or anything, it's just that they're really uncool. Plus you don't think you could ever be attracted to.. Y'now.. No, not guys, you don't really have a preference about genders when it comes to who you find attractive. You think the term is "potsexual"? Something like that. No, you just don't find trolls very attractive. At least, you've never looked at a troll and really thought they were attractive. Then again, you don't really look at trolls and- ugh. Why are you even thinking about this?

     "I hate that picture," the sudden voice makes you jump, it's just Karkat, "I look so stupid in it."

     He has the food which is a good sign. Means you get to eat. You're a little embarrassed he caught you snooping around, but you don't let it show. You don't let any of your emotions show. That's not cool. 

     "You look fine to me," he gives you a confused stare and sets the two bowls of mac'n'cheese on the table, as well as the two cups of aj. Alright, you can't wait to have some of that.

     You plop back down and start digging in. Wow, this is really good. It's not kraft either, this is like, the real shit. Karkat all up and made you homestyle mac'n'cheese. And it's really good. Surprisingly, Karkat is a great cook.

     "Do you want to watch TV or something?" You nod. That sure beats talking.

     He grabs the remote and presses the power button. It doesn't work. He presses it a few more times before turning it over and taking it apart to find that there are no batteries. A "god damn it Kankri" is muttered under his breath as he sets his bowl down on the table and gets up. He moves over and turns the TV on manually.

     "What type of shows do you watch?"

     "Anything as long as it's not boring," you don't really watch TV anymore. You binge watch Netflix occasionally, but watching TV live is just so uncool. Well, it's not uncool, just uncommon. 

     He bends over to the TV box (placed on a little cabinet shelf below where the TV is resting) and starts pressing buttons. The channels change in a slow process. 242.. 243.. 244.. 245.. Wow, this is boring.

     You were watching the TV channels change, but since that was boring as hell your eyes start to.. wander.. Not in a weird way. God no. You just _happened_ to look away from the screen and found your eyes resting on the nearest thing. And that "thing" just  _happened_ to be Karkat's ass. Now of course, you immediately looked away because you're no fucking perv. But then.. It just kind of.. You sort of.. Maybe for just a little while.. You possibly-

     Okay no, scratch that. You were totally checking out Karkat's ass. Call yourself a perv, whatever. When you see a plush rump like that it's hard to look away. You can't deny it, he has a nice ass. His name holds true. Y'know, Vantas. Vant _ass._ C'mon that's hilarious.

     Anyways, you're totally ogling Karkat's amazing ass and- Oh my god. You're staring at his ass! What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't just check out some guy you just met, especially not some troll you just met. Troll in general really. 

     You finish your bowl of mac'n'cheese quickly and stand up, "Actually Karkat, don't worry about the TV, I think I'm just gonna go."

     He stands up and turns to face you, "Are you sure? I think I can find something."

     "No, that's fine. I'm fine. It's getting late out anyways, I should really get going anyways."

     "Okay, whatever. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

     "Haha. Thanks. Great asssssession by the way. Great session," holy shit did you really just do that? Did you just pull a totally uncool slip of the tongue and almost tell Karkat he has a great ass? Wow. Good save though, way to cover that up.

     "What?" Fuck, he picked up on it. 

     "Gotta go, bye," you waste no time in rushing out the door and hopping into Dirk's truck. On the drive home, you seriously reevaluate your life. What the fuck was that Dave? You don't do that. You don't slip up like that. You don't stare at people's asses like that. 

     Maybe you just need some sleep.

\---

     What the fuck was that about?

     Dave looked like he had just seen a ghost or something. Plus he fucking bolted out of there like a kid getting out of church. You sigh and shake your head, cleaning up the dishes. You thought things had been going well, the tutoring part seemed to go well at least. Of course, Dave kept making stupid jokes here and there, but you didn't mind much.

     Had you said something wrong? He seemed to enjoy the mac'n'cheese you made. And he also seemed pretty comfy on your couch. 

     Whatever, you try not to let it bug you. 

     It's hours later, when you're lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, that you suddenly realize something. "Great uhhhhhhh session" (what you heard) was not in fact what was said at all. What was said was, "Great _assss_ session". Dear god. Was Dave about to say "Great ass"? Dear god. Was Dave staring at your ass??

     You think back to when you were flipping through channels manually. You were bent over, pressing the buttons, with your ass  _directly in Dave's line of sight._ Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. Ohhhhhh gooooooddddddd. Dave was staring at your ass. He was checking your ass while you were totally oblivious on the matter! Fuck your past self!

     Wait a minute..

     Fuck Dave's past self!! How dare he check out some stranger's ass! What a perv! You should just quit tutoring him now.

     You should.

     But you won't.

     Imagine how much grief Kankri would give you for that. "Was tutoring too tough for you Karkat? I honestly thought you would be able to pull through it all and manage, but I suppose not. Do you need some tutoring on how to tutor people?" And then he'd go on and on and on. That would be  _torture._

     So you won't stop tutoring Dave. Even if you are 100% done with him right now.


	3. This Isn't a Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I was gonna post this way later, but I guess you guys really like this so I'll work harder on it.. Anyways, just an fyi, nothing really happens between Dave and Karkat this chapter. You should still read it though (because I'm not writing this for no reason). Enjoy.
> 
> Just a side note: I'm not racist nor do I think racism is ever okay. Dave's just an ignorant asshole.

* * *

 

dude  
duuuuude  
dude cmon answer me  
baby come back and all that shit

     God damn it why won't the bastard answer you? Some best friend he is. You are in a state of  _need._

     It's Sunday. The day after your first tutoring session with Karkat. You had told your best bro (the same one who still hasn't answered you) that you were getting a tutor. You also told him it was a troll and made him swear to secrecy. He didn't seem to care that you were getting tutored by a troll. The guy's never really been against them or anything. Then again he wasn't cool.

     But you are seriously panicking right now. 

     Yesterday was totally awful. You've never slipped up like that. It was almost as bad as the one time you pointed out a babe to John in middle school, only to find out she was his half-sister. That was embarrassing.

     Seriously though, this is bad. You went there for some English knowledge and you went home with more knowledge than you needed. The worst part is, you can't stop thinking about it. No, not "it", " _it"_. Karkat. You can't stop thinking about him.

     And it's awful.

hey dude! what's up?  
ugh there you are  
where the hell were you?  
i go to church dave, gooossshhh  
yea yea whatever  
look dude im in need of advice  
good ol  
no judgement  
never gonna tell anyone  
bro to bro  
advice  
ok ok i get it  
what's the scoop?  
ok first of all  
dont ever say that again  
second of all  
do you promise  
not to tell anyone  
ever  
yea yea, cross my heart and all that  
just tell meeeeee  
ok so you know that guy thats tutoring me?  
not personally  
you know what i mean  
dont be an ass  
hehe sorry!  
anyways  
you remember him right?  
the "annoying asshole of a troll"?  
yea him  
didn't you guys have a tutoring session yesterday?  
yea  
thats the problem  
what'd you do?  
i didnt do anything  
well ok yea i did  
but just let me tell the whole story  
okay dave  
try not to ramble either  
i dont ramble  
uh-huh  
and "con air" isn't the best movie ever  
couldn't agree more  
also  
im screenshotting that and saving it forever  
would you just tell me the story?  
ok so we were tutoring  
and everything was going well  
and after like  
six hours  
we decided to stop  
wait you guys studied for six hours??  
yea  
now dont interrupt  
whatever  
so anyways we stopped  
and he offered to make dinner  
and while he made mac n cheese  
which was delicious fyi  
so while he was in the kitchen  
i was snooping around and checking out all his photos  
pretty generic stuff  
learned some stuff  
but there was one pic  
where he was smiling  
and ok  
dont judge or anything but  
i mean he looked really good  
really good?  
yea  
like if he was a human  
hed be pretty attractive  
uh-huh  
continue  
so he caught me  
but it was whatever  
we started eating and shit  
stuff was fucking heavenly  
the guy even had aj  
wow cool  
i know right  
so anyways  
he gets up to turn on the tv  
and cus the remote was broken he had to do it manually  
so hes all bent over pushing buttons  
oh my gosh let me guess  
you were totally checking out his ass  
i couldnt help it!!  
it was right there man  
the plush rump beckoned  
what did you do?  
what was i supposed to do?  
i dashed the fuck out of there  
hightailed it like a guy caught banging another dudes wife  
mhmm..  
so what's the problem?  
the problem is  
i cant stop thinking about it  
his ass?  
no  
the whole incident  
and him  
mostly him  
alright i think i've reached a diagnosis  
tell it to me straight doc  
well it's not very straight at all  
you're gay for him  
you've got the crushitis  
what?  
nonono  
youve got it all wrong  
i just met the guy  
you "just met" my sister when you asked me if i'd tap that  
hey  
we swore to never talk about that  
plus  
the guys a troll john  
exhibit a!  
what  
you said hed be attractive if he were human  
yes  
but hes a troll  
what does that have to do with anything?  
dude  
trolls arent cool  
why not?  
because dude  
theyre looked down upon and stuff  
quit being racist dave  
trolls are just like humans except gray and horny  
pfffffffft  
fuck  
you know what i meant  
uh huh  
whatever dave  
exhibit b!  
you were checking out his ass  
so?  
it was an accident  
exhibit c!!  
you can't stop thinking about him  
john its not like that  
dude just admit it  
you like him~  
shut up no i dont  
yes you doooo  
i just met the guy  
dave and his tutor sitting a tree  
how old are you?  
k-i-s-s-i-n-g  
john just stop  
this isnt helping  
haha whatever dude  
just wake up and smell the non-racist roses  
you got it bad for your tutor  
goodbye john  
bye~~~

     You're going to kill that buck-toothed asshole one day.

     You don't like Karkat. God no. He's a  _troll._ And that doesn't make you racist or anything. No no no, you are not racist. You just have preferences. 

     Plus, it's totally okay. Everybody does it. If everybody else does it, then you can do it too. Although, if everybody was murdering people then you wouldn't do that. But being racist isn't murder. It's not like racism ever killed anybody anyways. Not directly at least. The KKK or the Nazi's or other people like them just took racism too far. 

     You're not even racist anyways so why are you trying to tell yourself that it's okay? It's not like you  _are_ racist and this is all about reassuring yourself that you're not an awful person. Nope. You just tend to ramble sometimes.

     Anyways, you don't like Karkat. He's a troll.

  _"But what if he wasn't a troll?"_ that little voice in your head keeps asking that.

     What if Karkat wasn't a troll? What if Karkat was a human? What if Karkat was a human and he was attractive? What if Karkat was a human and he was attractive and he was interested in guys? What if Karkat was a human and he was attractive and he was interested in guys like you? What if-?

     No. None of that. You need to not do that. No sir. Nuh-uh.

     Bottom line is: if Karkat was an attractive human that was interested in you, you'd totally tap that.

     That, however, does not mean that you like troll Karkat. No. He may be smart, and kinda nice when he tries, and funny, and a great cook, and have a great smile, and have really good insults/comebacks, and have a smokin' ass, and-

     Fuck! Stop doing that!

     You are getting _way_ too carried away. You need to stop thinking about Karkat. If you don't stop then something just awful could happen. Something awful like you realizing that the only thing holding you back from liking him is the fact that you're a racist pig due to the coolkid friends that you have that you really need to drop because you really don't like them and they're always telling you what to do and you just wanna be a cool guy that's friends with trolls at the same time because god damn it why can't you?!

     You can't realize that. Then you wouldn't be cool.

     You spend all day dealing with this internal conflict of yours.

     This might be a problem.

\---

HEY ASSHOLE.  
PICK UP YOUR PHONE.  
ANSWER ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT NOOKSTAIN.

     God damn it why won't the bastard answer you? Some best friend he is. You are in a state of  _need._

     It's Sunday. The day after your first tutoring session with Dave. You told your best bro that you were going to start tutoring someone and he called you a nerd. Although when you told him it was a human, he got a little concerned. Humans weren't exactly the nicest towards trolls (granted, you yourself weren't very nice back, but whatever). He got even more concerned when you told him it was Dave. 

     "Isn't he that huge racist douchebag?" He had asked. You nodded your head.

     But surprisingly, Dave wasn't really racist or a douchebag yesterday. He was pretty nice. Of course, the jokes he kept making were awful. And he was snooping a bit. But he was really nice. 

     He kept asking you overly dumb questions though. And then he'd turn around and be able to diagram a sentence in seconds without any problems. You have your suspicions about whether Dave is really dumb or if he just acts like it. Some small part of you wants it to be the latter, but you're not sure why.

      You still haven't quite gotten over the fact that he was checking out your ass. After your realization last night, you had gotten up and looked at yourself in the standing mirror in your room. Can't lie to yourself, you have a pretty nice rump. But that still doesn't excuse his actions.

     What a pervert he is!

     You're really struggling with all of this too. On one hand, he's a disgusting pig. But on the other hand, your ass was kind of on display. Then again, he really shouldn't be checking out a stranger's ass. But then again, you kind of like the fact that someone finds your ass attractive. But then again, you shouldn't be tutoring someone like that. But then  _again,_ you really want to keep tutoring him. You're not sure how you feel.

what the fuck do you want kk?  
FUCKING TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER.  
oh giive me a break  
fiir2t of all, ii 2lept iin  
and 2econd of all, you 2hould be glad ii answered at all  
IT'S 2 IN THE AFTERNOON.  
be2t tiime two wake up am ii riight?  
YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING PRICK I SWEAR TO GOD.  
thank2  
WILL YOU JUST HELP ME OUT? I NEED SOME ADVICE.  
adviice? adviice wiith what?  
ADVICE WITH THAT GUY I'M TUTORING  
you mean dave?  
YES, HIM.  
what2 the problem?  
wa2 he beiing racii2t?  
NO.  
NOT AT ALL ACTUALLY.  
con2iider me 2urprii2ed  
HE WAS ACTUALLY BEING DECENT FOR ONCE.  
ok 2o what2 the problem?  
WELL YOU SEE,  
WE WERE GOING TO WATCH TV, BUT KANKRI TOOK THE BATTERIES OUT OF THE REMOTE.  
why would he do that?  
Televi9n c9rrupts the mind karkat, y9u sh9uldn't watch it s9 much. It is filled with many triggering things that y9ung adults, like y9urself, sh9uld n9t be su6ject t9. I rec9mmend that y9u d9 n9t watch televisi9n ever again.  
ugh god, he ii2 2uch a dick  
TELL ME ABOUT IT.  
2o anyway2, the batteriie2 were 2tolen by 2ome a22hole  
RIGHT, SO I GOT UP TO CHANGE THE CHANNELS MANUALLY.  
AND YOU KNOW WHAT MY TV IS LIKE.  
uh huh, youve got the box on a 2helf under the TV  
YEA, SO I WAS BENT OVER TRYING TO CHANGE THE CHANNELS  
let me gue22, he wa2 checkiing out your a22  
YES.  
what a fuckiing perv  
WELL YEA, BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.  
ea2y 2olutiion, 2top tutoriing hiim and fiile a re2traiiniing order  
NO NO NO.  
THE PROBLEM IS THAT I'M KIND OF OKAY WITH IT..?  
what  
I MEAN I'VE NEVER REALLY HAD ANYONE CHECK ME OUT BEFORE.  
IT KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.  
AND HE WAS BEING SO NICE AND STUFF.  
oh my god no  
plea2e do not tell me that youre flu2hed for hiim  
WHY CAN'T I BE?  
karkat, the guy ii2 a huge douche  
he2 liike the mo2t racii2t per2on ii know  
he probably ju2t want2 to get iin your pant2  
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.  
he2 never goiing to go out wiith you  
WHY NOT?  
becau2e youre a troll  
OH FUCK YOU.  
HE WASN'T BEING RACIST AT ALL WHEN HE WAS OVER.  
he doe2nt liike you  
SO WHAT?  
2o you 2houldnt wa2te your tiime on 2ome piiece of 2hiit liike dave  
HE'S NOT A PIECE OF SHIT!  
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!  
neiither do you!  
STOP TRYING TO RUIN THIS FOR ME.  
YOU'RE JUST PISSING ON EVERYONE'S PARADE.  
EVER SINCE YOU AND ARADIA BROKE UP YOU'VE BEEN ANTI-LOVE.  
2hut the fuck up kk  
NO! YOU'RE BEING AN ASSHOLE!  
well youre beiing stupiid!  
I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON AN INFECTED BULGE.  
ii hope that dave break2 your heart  
I HOPE THAT ARADIA GOES OUT WITH EQUIUS AND TOTALLY REPLACES YOU.  
go away kk, ii diidnt wake up for thii2 2hiit  
FUCK YOU.

     And then you chucked your phone at the wall in a fit of anger. 

     There's immediate shuffling from the room next door. Kankri's room. Damn it, now he's probably going to come over here and lecture you. Fuck your life.

     Sure enough, there's a knock at the door. When you don't open the door, Kankri walks in anyways.

     "What the fuck do you want Kankri?" 

     "First of all, language. Second of all, I came over here to report a noise disturbance to you. I'm fairly certain you chucked something at the wall and, since I'm right next door, I could easily hear it. Now, normally you throw things in a fit of rage and I am requesting that you not aim your projectiles at the shared wall. Frankly, you shouldn't throw anything. Do you need advice or tips on how to cope with anger other than through violence?"

     Gooooodddddd he is so annoying, "No Kankri, just leave me alone."

     He closes the door and sits on the edge of your bed (which is where you're laying), "Karkat is something the matter? Normally you'd be more explicit in fits of rage. Or you would at least try to strike an argument and/or insult me. Are you quite alright?"

     You kick him, "I'm  _fine_ Kankri, just go away!"

     He glares at you and grabs your legs, "Violence is never the answer Karkat. Please try to refrain from assaulting me, I'm only trying to help. I know that I may be annoying to you sometimes, as is normal in all brotherly relations, but I do care about you. I'm concerned of your well-being and I would like to know what is troubling you."

     "As if I'd talk about my personal problems with you."

     He frowns, "Karkat there is no need to be so rude. I only came to try and comfort you, but if you would rather I leave then I shall. However, I am going to let you know that you just hurt my feelings quite greatly."

     Ugh. You can't be a dick to him. Sure, Kankri is total hypocrite. And he's extremely rude and ignorant. Plus he never seems to know when to shut up. But on top of all of that, he's your brother. The guy is just trying to help you out.

     "Wait Kankri, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you."

     "Oh no Karkat, don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to. I am not going to force you to discuss your personal problems with me. I know you'd never want to share your personal problems with me."

     "Kankri don't be a bulgechafe, just sit here and listen to me complain so you can talk for an hour and give me some advice."

     He sighs and turns to you, not saying anything (thank god).

     "Ok, so, it's about that guy I'm tutoring. See, everyone thinks that he's this racist douchebag, but he seemed really nice to me. Well ok, he's pretty much a total asshole, but it's like he does it to be annoying and funny. He's not really an asshole, he just does it to be funny so I guess it's ok. But anyways, long story short, he ended up checking out my ass. And he left right after, but still. I don't know how I feel about it because I'm kind of flattered, but I'm also creeped out."

     "It sounds as though you've grown a fondness for David. He didn't seem to talk very much when I introduced myself, but I suppose he was somewhat attractive. I think that you mainly just enjoy the attention. I could hear some of you two's conversation and it sounds like he spends a lot of time flirting or joking around. Now, that may be a part of his personality so he may not actually like you. Regardless, the attention he is giving you is not something you receive often, especially his "checking out" of you. I believe you don't like him Karkat, but, rather, the attention he is giving you. And once you realize that, you can better assess how you truly feel towards this boy. Also, I recommend not having any alone time with this child."

     You chuckle at the last comment and nod, "Uh.. Thanks I guess Kankri."

     He pats your back and stands up, leaving, "Please don't throw any more things at our wall."

     Wow. Kankri actually made some great points. You think it all over and yea, ok, it's pretty true. The attention that Dave gives you isn't really a whole ton, but you don't get flirted with often. Not only are you a troll, but you have mutant blood. Although the caste system doesn't really exist anymore, people still put you down for it or ignore you. It's whatever.

     Anyways, after thinking it over, you realize you don't like Dave. You probably never will. He's your student also, can't go around dating the people you tutor.

     Sure, Dave's pretty attractive, and he's kind of funny, and you're pretty sure he's actually really smart, and he-

     No, you need to stop. If you build him up in your head then you will certainly develop a crush for him. That just can't happen.

     Your phone buzzes.

yo kitkat

     Ok. Calm. You don't like him. You can handle this

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?  
woah dude calm it  
dont get all pissy at me  
i havent even started talking  
YOU CALLED ME KITKAT.  
yea so  
it called a nickname dude  
I DON'T LIKE NICKNAMES.  
whatever  
youll warm up to them  
NO I WON'T.  
ok so anyways  
i wanted to have another tutor session  
WE JUST HAD ONE YESTERDAY.  
yea but i thought it went pretty well  
i learned stuff  
I CAN'T TUTOR YOU TODAY. I'M BUSY.  
ok fine  
tomorrow then?  
im free after school  
plus i have english so you could help me with my homework  
FINE.  
alright  
ill see you tomorrow then  
YEA, AND BY THE WAY, I DON'T GO HOME ON WEEKDAYS.  
then where do you go?  
I GO TO MY COUSINS' HOUSE.  
cousin?  
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.  
YOU'LL MEET THEM TOMORROW.  
so  
what youre saying is  
im already meeting your family?  
KIND OF..?  
wow dude i am honored  
color me fucking pink  
one meet up and the guy is already showing me off to the fam  
you must be really swooning for me huh?  
OH NO YOU'VE CAUGHT ME.  
I'M HORNS OVER HEELS FOR YOU DAVE.  
haha i fucking knew it  
ill make sure to give you a ring tomorrow  
we can get married on friday  
WOW. IT'S EVERY TROLL'S DREAM.  
I GET TO MARRY THE BIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE HISTORY OF BAGS.  
hahaha dude i am cracking up here  
you cant see it but there are tears rolling down my face  
CRY ME A RIVER BABY.  
hahahahaha oh god  
i cant breathe  
karkat give me cpr  
YOU JUST WANT AN EXCUSE TO PUT YOUR FILTHY LIPS ON MINE.  
more or less  
but anyways  
i gotta go  
SEE YOU TOMORROW.  
bye~~  
<3

     Oh god are you smiling? You can't help it. There's a small smile on your face just from texting Dave. Damn it.

     Yeah, you're totally fine.

     This isn't a problem. 


	4. Lots of Threats and Some Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly the best chapter title you'll get out of this series tbh. Anyways, this chapter is actually pretty cute. You guys will really like it, I guarantee it.

* * *

 

     Well as much fun as you had at school on Monday. You didn't. Who are you kidding? 

     Honors classes are fucking hard. And boring. And long. Honors classes are guys who were blessed that don't know how to have sex. They've got the stuff and all the potential, but they fail miserably and leave you regretting your decision.

     Except you never really got a choice on whether or not you could take the classes. They were pretty much forced on you because you did so well previously. If only your past self had realized that being a genius does not pay off in the long run.

     God how you hate your past self.

     Anyways, your day went just as normally as it always does. You went to all your classes on time and turned in all of your assignments and did all of your classwork and took all of the necessary notes and blah blah blah. The only "highlight" of your day was lunch.

     You sat with your usual group of friends (Sollux, Terezi, Gamzee, Eridan, Aradia, and Kanaya) and ate your usual lunch (aka: whatever they were selling at the cafeteria that didn't make you want to vomit) and you talked about your usual things. Everything was normal. Absolutely normal. All the trolls were on one side of the cafeteria and all the humans were on the other with a few mixed tables here and there. Most of the cafeteria was separated though. 

     Dave was with his usual group of friends, the coolkids of asshole lane. Nameless faces of people you never hope to encounter. You've heard enough stories. Your eyes glanced over to Dave who looked incredibly bored to be there.

     It was odd really. 

     The coolkids were goofing around, throwing food, and insulting people left and right, but Dave wasn't really participating. He actually seemed to be trying to tell them to stop, but you could've just been imagining things. Dave was probably just tired. 

     And then he caught you staring.

     Your heart almost jumped out of your chest. If trolls could turn pale, you would've been as white as snow. How. Embarrassing.

     All Dave did was flash a quick smile in your direction before turning back to his friends.

     And that left you at where you were at right now. Waiting outside the school for Dave to come by in his brother's truck. You two had texted (during class) about how exactly transportation was going to work out. Instead of just riding the bus, Dave agreed to drive you both.

     But the asshole was taking forever. God damn.

\---

DAVE I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU'RE NOT HERE IN FIVE SECONDS THEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE TUTORING SESSION.  
babe calm your tits im on my way  
had a bit of a hold up  
DON'T CALL ME THAT.  
what  
babe?  
YES.  
aww why not?  
its just a nickname  
do you prefer snookums?  
I PREFER KARKAT.  
whatever  
im almost there

     God, Karkat is such a drama queen sometimes. You've known the guy for like three days and you already know he's way too feminine. Way too feminine.

     He's always wearing sweaters and he rarely talks. You don't have any classes with the guy, sure, but you've heard rumors.

     "Oh yea  _that_ guy. I honestly thought he was a girl at first until I realized he was way too ugly to be one."

     "I think his name is Karther or something? Whatever, I never talk to that nerdy loser. The only time I've heard him talk is when in mumbles curses to himself."

     "He has a few friends, all trolls of course, but other than that he doesn't socialize."

     You'd asked around a bit. Might as well know about the guy if you were going to be spending so much time with him. It's not like you were creepily asking about him. Or asking about him to see if maybe he was seeing anyone. Nooooooo. Nonono.

     Just some "get to know you without talking to you" type questions. That's all.

     Although, for the record, he is single.

     Not that you care.

     Anyways, you've been trying to find out more about him. The only period you seem to share with him is lunch though, so you haven't learned a lot.

     At lunch, he sat with a group of other trolls on the troll side of the cafeteria. You, of course, sat with your coolkid "friends". As if you could even call them that. Assholes.

     After hanging out with Karkat and talking to him a few times, you've started to become "culturally aware". Meaning, you've realized that trolls aren't that different from humans and they're actually pretty cool. So it's a bit annoying when your friends make such racist remarks.

     You actually had to tell one of them to stop after a particularly rude comment. Something like, "I wish trolls would go back to the stupid shithole they came from, the only thing they're good for is popping balloons with those ridiculous horns they have." The old you might have laughed. But this "new" you told him to stop.

     The comment was rude. You will not stand for such things. How dare he talk about Kar- trolls like that? It's not just about Karkat, trolls in general. You care about all of them equally.

     Your friends just rolled their eyes and ignored you, continuing to be racist pigs. You were almost tempted to get up and move. But then where would you go? John and Rose had different lunch periods. Jade was sitting with her friends and they were probably talking about furries or something. Gross.

     There was always Karkat's table. When you glanced over, he was already staring at you. The face he made was priceless. Classic deer in the headlights right there. You just smiled and nodded, so your friends wouldn't notice. Karkat looked away, but you're 99% sure that you saw a small smile creep up on his face. It looked cu- cool. Cool.

     Fast forward to right now. You're driving your brother's truck over to the front of the school (he parks in the back). You were pretty lucky that he decided to go home with his boyfriend today and he let you borrow his truck. Although it took you like five minutes hassling just for him to hand you the fucking keys. Sorry Karkat.

     You pull up to where Karkat is and lean across the seats to open the doors. He climbs in awkwardly. What a dork.

     "Hey there sweetie, how was school?"

     Karkat glares as he buckles up and slams his door shut, "You're not my parent here to pick me up after a day of school."

     "You act like I care. How was school?"

     "Boring."

     "Just boring? Nothing exciting happened? No substitute teachers? No pranks? No kids falling asleep in class?"

     "I don't know how your standard classes work, but in my honor classes we just learn. That's it."

     "That sound like an awful time."

     "It is one."

     You kinda wished Karkat hadn't given you the address to his aunt's place. That way the drive could be spent with him giving directions. Instead of the awkward silence that it is.

     "Oh hey I just remembered something, open the glovebox there, I got you something."

     He opens it hesitantly and digs around before pulling out a ring pop, "Is this it?"

     "Yea. Remember how I said I'd get you a ring? There you go."

     "I thought you were just joking."

     "I was," you glance over at him and, sure enough, he's opening the ring pop to start eating it.

     You keep yours eye on the road and ignore the occasional slurping noise made from keeping the ring pop in your mouth for too long. Lord only knows what Karkat looks like eating that. And only the Lord will know. You refuse to look.

     After ten more minutes of _that_ torture, you finally get to Karkat's aunt's house. Woo hoo.

     It looks like a nice place. Pretty quaint home, a bit big for your taste. The walkway is kind of steep considering that it's on a hill, but you and Karkat make it up just fine. Karkat opens the door and you both walk inside.

     You are instantly greeted with the amazing smell of fresh cookies baking. Fuck yea, you know what that means. Karkat's brother is already there, talking to some troll babe (she'd dressed extremely, well, slutty). 

     Karkat also starts talking to some girl you've never met. She sat with him at lunch too. And now that you're looking, you realize that she must be that girl you saw from the picture before. The dots are easy to connect. That's Karkat's cousin.

     "Hello, you must be Dave, I'm Kanaya," she holds her hand out to you and you shake it.

     "Yea, nice to meet you."

     A woman comes busting out of the kitchen. She looks like Kanaya except taller and older and a bit more "mature". She's dressed in all black minus a green apron that says something you can't read. It's obviously some other language, but you've never seen it before. Arabic? Yiddish? Who knows.

     All of sudden she starts chattering away to Karkat. You can't understand a single word this lady is saying, but she keeps pointing to you. Usually, you can somewhat understand other languages, but this is just chirps and clicks and a few growls. Karkat is clicking right back at her and he sounds upset. The fuck is going on?

     If only you knew what she was saying.

\---

     Dear god what is your aunt saying?

     She's speaking in Alternian obviously, her native tongue after all. You can understand her flawlessly (you're an expert in Alternian and English and you dabble in Spanish), but what the fuck? 

     For the sake of your thoughts ((Aka: the readers)), you mentally translate the entire conversation into English, leaving what's said in Alternian in bold.

      **"My my my, Karkat! Is this the young boy you have been teaching?"**

**"Yes Aunt Dolorosa, his name is Dave"**

**"He is very handsome! Why did you never tell me he was so pleasing to the eyes?"** What.

      **"Aunt Dolorosa I-"**

She walks over to Dave and starts pinching his cheeks, the poor kid looks scared out of his mind,  **"Tell me the truth Karkat, are you two matesprits? He looks like he would be quite a good mate to provide attractive grubs."**

Your face goes completely red,  **"Aunt Dolorosa! It's not like tha-!"**

 **"You're right dear, you're much too young to be thinking about grubs at this age. Although,"** she points to a drawer in the kitchen,  **"If you ever need them, the c-"**

"AUNT DOLOROSA NO!"

     She blinks.

     Dave looks really confused, but you're pretty sure he understands a little bit. Kanaya and Porrim are practically in tears with laughter and Kankri is smiling pretty smugly himself. Why. Why is it always your family? 

     Dave speaks, "Uh.. Are you guys, like, done chirping at each other? 'Cause I kinda wanna talk in English."

"My apologies dear, I don't usually talk in English when with my darlings, I'm sorry if you could not understand," your aunt smiles and pats Dave's shoulder.

     "Oh nah, it's cool, I was just feeling out of the loop y'know? I can't really chirp with you guys."

     She laughs, "It's fine dear, I was just asking Karkat if-"

     You grab Dave's arm and start pulling him upstairs to the guest room. He protests a bit, but you are not letting him hear the rest of your aunt's sentence. No way. 

     "Yo dude what the hell was that about? You just totally interrupted a chat I was having with a nice lady."

     "That's my aunt, and she may seem nice, but she's a devil I swear."

     She really is. Aunt Dolorosa may be the kindest, warmest, nurturing mother you never had, but she loves to embarrass you. Like, she lives for it. And it's just you too. Your dad? He's a doll. Kanaya? She's sweet. Porrim? She's too cool. Even Kankri! She fucking loves Kankri.

     You've never really been jealous of your brother for anything. Anything except the relationship he has with your aunt. She loves him way more than any of your other relatives (few as they may be). Kankri is still a grub in her eyes and she loves everything he does with social justice and equality.

     "Just like your father was," she always says to him.

     "Just like the devil you are," she always scolds to you.

     Now, your aunt still loves you very much. Way more than anyone else in your life. She's helped with raising you and you've always seen her as a mother instead of an aunt. However, she doesn't like the "foul-language" you tend to lean towards. And she makes it extremely apparent.

     Also, since she's more like a mother to you, you treat her like a mother. You're going through your rebellious years and since your aunt is constantly scolding you, you two fight a lot. So you guys have a tense relationship. There's ups and downs. 

     She mainly enjoys teasing you.

     "Karkat?" Dave's waving his hand in front of your face. Fuck. You must have zoned out.

     "Just sit down and get your homework out, we can start working on it."

     Dave looks around the room. There's an old recuperacoon, an ornate rug, a desk (with no chair), and a dresser. It's the guest room, but it's pretty empty. Your aunt rarely has guests over so you suppose it makes sense. You spend most of your time in here when you come over, it's quiet.

     "There's nowhere to sit," Dave motions around the room, as if he's showing off the lack of chairs.

     You just sit on the floor and stare up at him. Sure, it may be a wood floor, but it's not that uncomfortable. 

     Dave just makes an "oh" face and sits down next to you. A little too close. You scoot over a bit and turn to sit across from him.

     "What gives? You don't wanna sit near me?" He makes an all-too-fake pouty face.

     "No, you smell like barkbeast shit."

     "What was that?"

     Fuck. You always screw up and use the old troll terms when you're at your aunt's place. It's just because she doesn't use all the human slang like "bathroom" and "cat".

     "I meant dog shit. You smell like dog shit."

     "You said 'barkbeast' though."

     "Just forget it, it's just troll terminology."

     "Weird."

     You roll your eyes and Dave pulls out his homework. It's just a simple crossword puzzle worksheet. Oh how you miss the days when you just got to do crossword puzzles. You have the definitions of vocab words you'd been studying and you put them in the puzzle. Really easy.

     Dave reads the first definition out loud, "To charm or enchant someone, sometimes deceptively."

     Beguiled. That one's easy. 

     He starts filling in the boxes quickly. b-e-g-u-i. And then he stops for a moment before continuing, l-l-e. He's run out of boxes. Mostly because he misspelled the word.

     "Karkat, how do you spell beguiled?"

     "Don't be a dumbass, you know how to spell it."

     He looks up at you, feigning confusion, "What? No I don't"

     "Dave, I saw you start writing out and then stop so you could remember that you need to act stupid. Honestly, you don't need to act around me, you're only making me feel like you think I'm stupid. It's pretty fucking obvious that you're smart and pretending to be stupid."

     "I'm not smart."

     "Yes you are Dave, you just act dumb because being smart isn't cool. Right? Isn't that it?"

     He sighs and starts filling out the worksheet, finishing pretty quickly without any errors or mistakes. Like you said, he's smart. All of that was mostly an assumption though. You were only 99% sure he was smart and that accusation you just dished out to him was a whim. What if Dave wasn't smart? How awkward would that have been?

     Luckily, you don't have to find out because Dave is smart.

     "Alright, that's all I need help with."

     "Why are you still wanting to be tutored? You don't need it, obviously. Sure, Ms. Paint wants you to do it, but you could just start doing better in class on your own and say that I'm tutoring you. It's just a waste of time for you to keep coming isn't it?"

      He pauses, clearly thinking. You notice that he starts gnawing on his bottom lip, must be something he does when deep in thought. His teeth pin it between them and he moves his jaw. It slips out occasionally and it's like time slows down. His lip is a bit redder now and swollen too. God, what you would give to just-

     "I guess you have a point," your eyes dart back up to his shades and you pretend like you weren't just ogling his lips. Oops.

     "Yea, I mean I know you don't like trolls anyways. This way you can just go back to living like you did and pretend like this whole weekend never happened."

     "Is that what you're gonna do? Just forget about me? Forget about us? Forget about all these memories we've made?" He grabs your hands tightly in his own.

     Ugh. He's doing it again. Dave never takes things seriously. Everything is just a huge joke to him. It's one of the many things you don't like about him. 

     "Dave, can you take this seriously?"

     He gasps and somehow manages to turn and throw himself across your lap, "Karkat I  _am_ taking this seriously."

     You glare.

     "Ok ok, I'm sorry. But still I mean.. I dunno.." He scratches the back of his neck nervously, "You're pretty cool and shit, I guess I kinda wanna keep hanging out with you y'know?"

     "Dave, we've only talked these two times. How can you be sure that you want to keep hanging out with me?"

     "I like to trust my gut. And my gut is saying," he squishes his tummy and jiggles it a bit, making it appear sentient, "Karkat is a cool guy! We should chill with him more!"

     It's kind of funny to see him like this. Unlike the usual coolkid he pretends to be, he's acting like a huge dork. Maybe because he is a huge dork. Like you said before, it's funny. So you laugh.

     Dave's face immediately drops. Did you do something wrong? Your face drops too, concerned.

     "No no no, go back to laughing."

     You probably look really confused, "What? Why?"

     "I.. Feed off laughs..?"

     "That was lame and we both know it. Tell me the truth."

     He just shrugs and you can tell he's looking away, "You've got a nice smile I guess."

     "If I have a nice smile then you should smile with me. Your face dropped like a stone in water, I thought you were mad or something."

     Dave (finally) sits up and turns to face you, "I wasn't mad, just shocked a little. You never laugh."

     "I don't laugh often."

     "Yea I know."

     "You said I never laugh and that's not true, I don't laugh often."

     Now it's Dave's turn to roll his eyes, "Whatever, you should do it more often. You look good with a smile."

     You can't help but blush at that a bit, "What?"

     He blushes himself, realizing what he said, but he tries to play it off, "I think you heard me just fine Kitkat."

     And then he starts leaning in. He's leaning in. Oh god he's leaning in. And you can't help it, you're leaning in too. You just met this guy, what the fuck are you doing?! You can't just kiss someone you just met. That's not how it works.

     You two are supposed to meet, and fall in love, and then you kiss. That's how it goes in the romcoms you watch. That's how it needs to be!

     Inches apart. So close. It suddenly occurs to you that maybe this is a bit too soon. Ok, no, this is way too soon. What are you doing.

     No.

     Stop.

     You're not stopping.

     Stop. 

     You can smell his cologne.

     Stop.  

     You can feel his breath over your lips.

     Stop.

     You're so close to feeling his lips on yours, they look so soft.

     Don't stop. Please don't-

     "Excuse me, but what on earth is going on in here?"

     You jump and fall backwards, away from Dave. It looks like he pulled the same number you did. You look at the door and find Kanaya standing there, hand on her hip.

     Remember how you said your aunt was like a mother to you? Kanaya  _is_ a mother to you. Always babying you and being overprotective. She even does that thing where the mom licks the napkin and wipes the crumbs off your face. Gross.

     Anyways, Kanaya is really really really overprotective. Her wrath is like that of a chainsaw's. Scary.

     "Kanaya, it's uh.. We were just studying.."

     "Studying what? French?"

     It takes a moment for that to process. French. Like french kissing. Because you two were gonna.. OK..

     "Um.." Dave gets up and stuffs his things into his bag, "Maybe I should go."

     Kanaya opens the door wider for him, "Yes, I think that's a marvelous idea."

     You make a small sound in protest, but Kanaya shuts you up with a glare. Dave heads off, being escorted by Kanaya and you can hear him talking to her at the door. You've made a terrible mistake.

     Dave probably wasn't going to kiss you, he was just leaning in to get something off your face. You just met the guy anyways, why would he want to kiss you so soon? Plus, you're a troll. And Dave doesn't like trolls. He wasn't going to kiss you.

     You lie on the floor and let out a groan. Dave's never going to want you to tutor him again. You blew it. You totally blew it.

\---

     "Look, whatever-your-name-is, don't get the wrong idea about me I was-"

     "I know full well what you were up to and I'm glad that I had the wits to come check on you two. Kankri told Porrim and I about how you were 'checking out' Karkat's backside and I must say I am not impressed. I've heard the rumors about you Dave and I don't approve of you and Karkat."

     What?! How did Kankri know about that? And what is she talking about?

     "I dunno what kinda backwards world you're living in, but I don't wanna date Karkat."

     "It certainly didn't seem like that, you were leaning in to kiss him after all."

     "No! I don't like trolls ok? I especially don't like Karkat. I'm never  _ever_ going to date him. He's definitely not my type."

     "Then I suggest you stop flirting with him and leading him on. Karkat has a bad habit of falling for someone too easily. I don't want someone like you to break his heart."

     "Someone like me? What does _that_ mean?"

     "I think you know very well what it means."

     Who does this chick think she is? How dare she tell you who you can and can't like? Not that you like Karkat or anything. Really.

     "I'll have you know that I'm a very nice guy."

     "Then, as a 'very nice guy', you won't break his heart. And if you do, I promise that I'll hunt you down myself and rip your heart out with my fangs."

     You shudder a bit, "Is that a threat?"

     "Seems like it."

     "I don't need this bullshit, I'm leaving. And I'll leave your precious Karkat alone too, can't have him falling for 'someone like me'"

     She opens the door, "Leave, before you upset me or Karkat any more."

     You glare at her through your shades as you stomp through the door. What a nosy bitch.

     "I'll never like Karkat, so quit your worrying ok? It'll never work between us. He's just too uncool for me, he'd bring me down."

     Kanaya just gestures for you to leave and you do so without a complaint. You hop in the truck and drive off. 

     Well, that sucked.

     You can't stop thinking about how close you were to kissing Karkat. What were you thinking? First, you fuck up and tell the guy you think he looks good with a smile. And then you try to kiss him?

     You've gone from hating trolls to falling for one in a matter of days and it's driving you insane. Now, there's even a crazy troll threatening to kill you if you hurt Karkat. You're a dead man. A dead, dead man.

     This threat is gonna loom over you for all of eternity.

\---

     You just wanted a glass of water. That's all you needed. Just something to wash away the feelings.

     You thought Dave had left already.

     But there he was, arguing with Kanaya. You'd only just reached the top of the stairs. What you heard was still ringing in your ears.

     "I'll never like Karkat, so quit your worrying ok? It'll never work between us. He's just too uncool for me, he'd bring me down."

     Do you know that feeling when everything just hurts at the same time? When it feels like a ton of bricks just fell on top of you and you can't breathe because it's just too much? That exact moment when you feel your heart break in half? 

     That's what you felt when you heard Dave say that.

     Which was odd because you don't remember loving him. You remember thinking about it. You remember wanting to kiss him. You remember wanting to be with him.

     You remember wanting all that despite knowing that he didn't like you back.

     When he said you looked good with a smile. And when he started leaning in for a kiss. Oh how you had hope.

     But now you knew the truth, Dave didn't like you. He never would.

     You went home that night with a lump in your throat. Kankri and your dad were chatting about school stuff, grades and the like. They asked you a few questions, but you kept your answers short and sweet. 

     Lying in bed, you reviewed everything going on your mind. Dave didn't like you, ok. You liked Dave, fuck. Kanaya didn't like (maybe even hated) Dave, fuck. You had school tomorrow, fuck.

hey can we talk?

     You chuck your phone at the wall again. Nope. Not tonight.

     Kankri starts lecturing you through the wall until your dad yells at him to shut up. You can't help but snicker.

     It takes a while, but you finally fall asleep. Your mind was cluttered with thoughts of what happened. Just forget it. Just pretend like it never happened. Just bottle it up and pretend like it doesn't exist.

     You know you'll regret this later, but as for now, you sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..I lied


	5. Hate Me Date Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOTHERFUCKIN FINISHED. Since my laptop broke, this took extra long. But the new laptop is in and the new chapter is too! Sorry it's a bit on the short side.. As always, thanks for all the support and kudos and blah blah blah

* * *

     You wake up with a sigh and a slam to your alarm clock. God how you hate your alarm clock. The fucking thing is _so_ annoying. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP- no. Nothing in the world is more annoying than a tiny beeping noise that interrupts sleep.

     You lazily roll out of bed and onto the floor, groaning. As your dream fades, memories of yesterday come flooding in. You almost kissed Dave yesterday. And then to hear what he said. How he would never ever go out with you. How you would bring down his coolkid status. How you're the dumbest troll that ever lived because you actually thought you had a chance with a human. Well, ok, he never said that. But it was obviously implied.

     Your phone buzzes from across the room and you vaguely remember chucking it at the wall. It was because Dave texted you. Ugh. Might as well get your phone and check for- HOLY SHIT. You have 50+ new messages! The fuck?

hey can we talk?  
ok i sent that like an hour ago  
dude cmon i know youre up  
karkaaaaaaaaat  
did i do something wrong?  
ok if i did will you let me know?  
karkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat  
dude  
karkat  
karkrab  
kitkat  
karkitty  
kitty kitty kitkat  
broooooooo  
ok fine youre obviously not answering  
whatever  
i dont even care  
see this?  
this is me not caring  
i couldn't give a shit  
ok ok fine  
i care  
im going insane man  
please answer me  
if you dont answer in the next five minutes  
im gonna jump off a bridge  
ok its been five minutes  
im gonna do it  
youre making me do it karkat  
ughkwkwuyatjfafuyrui  
its like  
oh holy shit its 2am  
i still have a science paper to write  
ok and were back  
and youre still not answering  
that's understandable though  
it is like 3 or 4  
bluh  
im so tired but i cant sleep  
plus id only get two hours if i slept now  
whats the point in that?  
ill just keep texting you  
uh  
oh yea  
i was gonna talk about earlier today  
or yesterday i should say  
anyways  
that whole  
thing  
um look  
lets just forget it happened  
ok?  
we can just stay friends  
do our tutoring thing  
of course im still gonna tease you  
thats just what bros do  
ugggggggghhhhhhh  
youre still not answering  
its like 5am now  
i stayed up alllllllllll night texting you  
wow  
i just realized how totally uncool that is  
ive never done this before in my life  
oh god what i do  
ok ok ok   
sorry for bothering you   
and texting you like a bajillion times  
ok  
bye  
oh wait i forgot  
<3  
now bye

     What. The. Fuck.

     Is this asshole insane?? Who the fuck texts people- what even is this, 75? 76?- 70 something times?? Cool kid your ass, normal people don't even do this! It's so.. Desperate..

     He texted you all through the night just to let you know he wanted to stay friends. Wow. Thanks Dave. No really, thank you very much. 

     You're almost tempted to go ask Kankri about this, he did help you before. But then you get your head out of your nook. Like fuck you're going to bring your brother, especially  _Kankri,_ into your angsty teen drama problems. The last thing you need is to be lectured for an hour. That's not something you want to add to your pile of shit. _  
_

     Whatever. Might as well head to school anyways. You throw on a sweater and some jeans and just brush your fingers through your hair. Fucking perfect, you should totally be a model. Ha. Model for homeless people maybe. 

     You trudge downstairs and pass by Kankri who's sitting at the table eating oatmeal. See? Now there's your point. Oatmeal. What kind of highschooler wakes up early in the morning to make their own oatmeal for breakfast? You grab a poptart like a normal fucking person should.

     "Good morning Karkat. I trust you slept well? At least I assume you did, if you had a nightmare then my apologies for-"

     "I slept fine Kankri," you munch on your poptart. Yea ok, you really shouldn't have interrupted your brother, but you weren't in the mood to hear him talk about nightmare triggers.

     "Karkat, that was incredibly rude! You should know that I am triggered by being interrupted, I like to finish what I'm saying before another person may speak. I hope your not going to be this upsetting all day, maybe I'll have to discuss your behavior with father.."

     "Fuck you. You're such a wriggler Kankri, running to daddy whenever you get your feelings hurt."

     "That is it!" He gets up from the table and carries his bowl to the sink, "I am not going to be dealing with the petty aftermath of whatever drama you've managed to get yourself into. You can walk to school alone for all I care," and with that, he grabs his things and leaves.

     Whatever. As if you need someone to walk with to school. All you ever do when you walk with Kankri is listen to him go on and on about social justice and equality. He says he's teaching you. You say it's torture.

     Anyways, it's not like you can't just walk on your own. The school is only about half of a mile away, not too far. You grab your things and check yourself in the mirror by the door. Wow you look like shit. You start fixing your hair and adjusting your sweater a bit and- woah, when did you start caring about your appearance? Never, that's when.

     You quickly walk outside and head to school. 

\---

     Fuck. Ok. You messed up. A lot. A lotta lot.

     Not only are you tired from staying up all night texting, but you were texting Karkat. You were non-stop texting him. You texted him like 70 times. And he didn't even answer once. How uncool of you.

     Now you're getting ready for school. Since you were up bright and early, you have a lot of time on your hands. You take a long shower, comb your hair neatly, brush your teeth, and make a PB&J for breakfast. To add on to all of your normal routine, you also get dressed. Well, ok, obviously you're going to get dressed, but this is different. You throw on your nicest shirt and your nicest jeans (aka your "ass jeans" because they made your ass look good) and you pull on your special red converse that you only wore on special occasions.

     Checking yourself out in the mirror, you note that you look pretty damn fine. You should be a model. Oh yea definitely, model for douchebag weekly for sure.  You can see the cover now, "Hot Teen Sensation, Dave Strider, Showing Off That He's Too Cool For School!" Hella.

     You head out to the kitchen to see Dirk already up, eating a poptart. He's dressed in the usual t-shirt and slacks, similar to how your bro dresses. The resemblance between them is uncanny. Bro always says you look more like your mom than him, but whatever.

     "Hey kid, what's up?" He looks up at you, his shades still aren't on. That's the only difference between Dirk and the rest of the Strider's, he wears his shades all the time in public, but other than that they're usually off.

     "Ok number one, don't call me kid, I have a name _Dick_ ," that's a nickname you call him when you're upset, "second, I'm really tired, stayed up all night texting."

     "Who were you texting that made you stay up all night? And don't even try to pass it off as John, because I know he has a bedtime."

     "Uh.. The guy that's tutoring me.. I had some questions about stuff."

     He raises a brow at you, "Questions?"

     You nod and open the fridge, looking for something to drink. As usual, there's nothing. "Yes Dirk, that's what I said."

     "Mhm.. And is your tutor the one you're all dressed up for?"

     "I'm not dressed up and if I was it certainly isn't for Karkat," ok, but why are you dressed up? Could it be that you are dressing up for Karkat? Maybe you thought things ended badly so you're dressing up to impress him? Could it be that you want to be more than just-?

     "Dude, you're wearing your ass jeans, you're dressed up for somebody."

     "Shut up! No I'm not!!" You would never dress up for anybody unless you had a crush on them. And you don't have a crush on Karkat. You can't.

     "Whatever you say Dave, I'm just telling it how I see it."

     You grab your things and storm out of the apartment. Fuck that. Walking to school is far better than listening to Dirk. He has this way with words that just drives you insane. In a few sentences he can totally pick apart your brain and make you realize things that you didn't before. Like how you're obviously dressing like this for Karkat. Ugh. 

     The walk to school is a quiet one. You take the time to really think as you walk down the sidewalk. A plan, that's what you need. Karkat is probably super pissed that you tried to kiss him, as a troll he probably felt like he had no other choice. That's not what you wanted. You don't quite know what you want, but that's not it. 

     But if you had a plan. You could initiate this plan and win back Karkat. Slowly but surely you would win his hea- friendship. All you wanted was his friendship, nothing more. 

     Of course you still had your coolkid status to think about. What would your friends say? More importantly, do you even care?

\---

     So Tuesday. Woo. For some reason that's actually your favorite day of the week. Friday's cool and on Saturday you don't have school, but Tuesday is by far the greatest. Your aunt bakes pies on Tuesday, which you love. But above everything else:

     Terezi Pyrope sat next to you at lunch on Tuesdays.

     Oh, that angel. You two had dated back in the eighth grade, but she ended it in tenth grade. A two year relationship down the drain. And you still had it for her.

     Of course, you kind of started thinking you might replace her with Dave. It seemed like a full-proof plan. But obviously that wasn't going to happen. Dave didn't like you.

     So you went back to liking Terezi. Her soft face, her jet black hair, those pure red eyes that were hidden behind red shades. Terezi was blind, but she had a nose better than a bloodhound's. You loved it. Or at least you were pretty sure you did.

     You'd never loved anything before, but you were pretty sure you loved Terezi.

     Anyways, lunch. The highlight of your day. Kanaya sat on one side of you (like always) and Terezi sat on your other. You had packed a lunch so that you could spend more time with Terezi. Everything was going perfectly. She smelled like the cherry blossoms that grew near her house and she kept laughing and showing off that fanged smile. Yes, everything was perfect. Up until right now.

     You're chatting with Terezi about how much you hate math class, when you get a tap on your shoulder. Terezi scoots over, away from you. No. No no no. What's going on?

     All of a sudden, someone pulls up a chair and sits in between you and Terezi. What. The. Fuck. Why couldn't this person sit between you and Kanaya? Who does this douchebag think he/she is? Why has everyone suddenly stopped talking?

     As if on cue, the douchebag looks over at you as you look at him, "Sup Kitkat, mind if I sit here?"

     No. Nononononono. NONONONONONO. NO. You do NOT want to sit next to Dave right now. After yesterday? After all those texts? No thank you.

     Since you aren't answering, Terezi does for you, "Karkrab's just being pouty over there, you can sit with us!"

     Kanaya interjects, "Terezi, that's the human boy I was talking about earlier.."

     Sollux adds to the commentary as well, "Yea TZ, this guy's a douche, no offense Dave. But we don't really want him here."

     "Are you kidding?? He smells like candy red! If you guys let me I would lick my tongue all over him!" Ugh. Make it stop.

     "I think I'd let you lick me like a lollipop," Dave is flirting with Terezi. Terezi! Who the fuck does he think he is? First, he leads you on. Then, he interrupts your time with Terezi. And then he has the nerve to flirt with her?!

     Terezi is cackling away. Fuck. Fuck your life. Fuck everything.

     The rest of lunch is you angrily eating your sandwich while Dave and Terezi have (what seems to be) a flirt-off. Disgusting. Just disgusting.  Mr. "Oh I don't like trolls!" "Trolls aren't cool!" "Ewwww trolls!"

     You hope he chokes on a bulge. An infected bulge. An infected, rotting, inside-out, bulge. And he dies. 

     You are so mad at Dave right now. Your anger is a burning flame.

\---

     Ok so, lunch was great. You didn't talk to Karkat much, but this chick, Terezi, she was super cool. Hilarious too. You tried to play it safe because she was totally flirting with you, but even you can't resist a good flirt-off. 

     Her laugh (more like a cackle) was kind of annoying. And that fanged shark-mouth she had going on was a little terrifying. But you tried to ignore all of that.

     Karkat seemed  _super_ pissed at you. He didn't say a single word to you and he kept glaring you. So the plan wasn't going perfectly, but it would get better. It always gets better.

     After lunch, you walked with Terezi to your next class. And after that you two met up again and she walked with you to your next class. It was pretty fucking sweet, even if a couple kids turned their heads in your direction and whispered about you two. The thing was, you just stopped caring. Terezi was really cool, you liked her. So if your "friends" didn't like Terezi (or Karkat), then they were no friends of yours.

     You went over to John's house to play videogames (like you usually did) and you two talked. He talked about how his classes were going. You talked about how Darren Peters shoved a pencil up his nose in math class. Basic stuff.

     And then John got down to business, "Soooo Dave.. How's your tutoring going?" he grins and wiggles his eyebrows at you. What a dork.

     "Uh.. They're ok I guess.. Stuff kinda happened and I think Karkat's mad at me, but it's no big deal."

     John pauses the game and turns to look at you, "What happened?"

     "Well.. We were goofing around and shit and Karkat laughed and I guess I had some like shocked expression because he stopped laughing and then I was like 'no dude keep smiling' and he was like "wtf why' and I said some dumb shit and... Yea.."

     He gives you "the look". That "I know you're missing details in that story so you might as well tell me." John can read you like a book. Always have, always will. There are very few things you can hide from John. Of course, there's also very few things John can hide from you. You two are best bros and you know everything about each other. That's how it'll always be.

     "Ok ok fine," you decide to give the guy what he wants, "I said he had a nice smile, because he does, and Karkat started blushing and he was like 'what' and I was like 'you heard me' and I didn't really think about what I was doing, I just kinda looked him and he looked really cute I guess all blushy like that and I just kinda started leaning in to kiss him, but before we got anywhere his crazy cousin came in and kicked me out."

     John smiles slyly. No. You are not in the mood for the "I told you so!" speech. That is the last thing you need after spewing some nonsense like that out. 

     "Y'know Dave.. It sounds like.. I just might have.. Told you so!!" He starts laughing and chanting "Told ya so! Told ya so!'

     You just groan and lay on your back, burying your face with your hands. This is not what you need right now. This is far from what you need right now.

     "Would you quit it?! I'm really embarrassed about the whole thing!" He stops.

     "Look Dave, you went in for some smoochies with this hot troll-guy that you  _totally_ like, but you got a little interrupted. Just go text the guy and ask him out!"

     "Well you see.." You pull out your phone and start showing John wall after wall of text that you sent to Karkat. 

     "Holy shit Dave! Are you crazy?? You probably scared him off!"

     You nod and unpause the game, deciding that videogames are a great way to forget about your problems. John must be feeling generous, because, instead of getting on your case some more, he joins too. And you two play for some more. You are, of course, kicking ass and John is whining about getting his ass kicked. 

     Your phone buzzes.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

     Holy shit. Out of fucking nowhere the dead finally rises. John pauses the game and jumps over to read it.

     "Hey it's Karkat! What are you gonna say to him?"

     You don't know, "I don't know."

     John just grabs your phone out of your hands and starts texting him for you. Of course, you put up a fight, because no way are you letting Egbert text Karkat. You win pretty easily and snatch your phone back, deciding to text Karkat on your own terms.

hey dude  
looks like you finally decided to text me  
DAVE WHAT THE FUCK?  
YOU TEXTED ME A FUCKTON OF TIMES.  
yeaaaaa  
look im sorry about that  
please forgive me kitkat  
i only want your love  
HOW ABOUT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FROM NOW ON.  
what?  
why?  
BECAUSE I'M A TROLL.  
AND I'LL JUST "BRING YOU DOWN".  
wait you heard that?  
dude i didnt mean it i swear  
IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID IT.  
no no no no no  
i was just trying to get your crazy cousin to calm her tits  
youre cool kitkat  
youre hella cool  
NO I'M NOT.  
I'M A TROLL.  
no youre cool  
if i say youre cool then youre cool  
and you are cool  
WHATEVER.  
ARE YOU GOING TO SIT WITH ME AT LUNCH FROM NOW ON?  
do you want me to?  
NO.  
aww babe why not  
dont you want my arm around you  
while i feed you chocolate covered strawberries  
THAT'S JUST FUCKING WEIRD.  
no  
its cool  
CAN YOU HEAR THAT? CAN YOU HEAR THAT LONG SIGH? THAT'S ME.  
haha  
you never cease to make me laugh  
BULLSHIT.  
nope  
bulltruth  
IF IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF BULLSHIT, IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE HEIFERTRUTH  
ok then thats what it is  
its the heifertruth  
youre funny and cool  
AND SMART.  
right right  
cant forget the genius thats tutoring me  
the real brain to my pinky  
THE WHAT TO YOUR WHAT?  
dude you never watched pinky and the brain?  
UMM.. NO..  
oh dude fuck that  
you are coming over tomorrow after school  
we are binge watching that show  
i dont even care if we miss school  
and youre there for hours  
were doing this  
were making this happen  
WAIT WHAT?  
you and me  
tomorrow after school  
my place  
tv watching marathon  
IS THIS LIKE A DATE OR SOMETHING?  
do you want it to be?  
UMM..  
WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS?  
just a cool hang out between two bros  
OK THEN THAT'S WHAT IT IS.  
ok  
OK.  
pick you up after school  
I'LL LET MY DAD KNOW.  
ok so youre not mad  
I'M GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE.  
JUST TRY AND KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.  
no promises  
WHATEVER.  
BYE.  
bye <3

     Awwwww yeeeeaaa. You're going on a date with Karkat.


	6. Kiss The Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I am SO sorry guys. I have been swamped with schoolwork and work work and just.. Ugh. I hope you don't mind this being so late, the next chapter will probably be a little late too. My apologies, I hope you enjoy this chapter regardless.

* * *

     So today is the day. Your  ~~date~~ hangout session with Dave. You can't say you're entirely thrilled about all of this, but you believe in second-chances. Ok, you kind of believe in them, the truth is you just wanted to give Dave a second chance. You're not sure why.

     Anyways, you're standing outside the school waiting for Dave. A feeling of deja-vu is bubbling up inside you, but you know that the events today have nothing to do with romance. It's not even a date. Stop acting like it is one. 

     As per usual, Dave pulls up in brother, Dirk's, truck. You open your door this time and crawl in. It's messier than last time, food wrappers on the floor and magazines and who knows what else littered everywhere. You're 99% sure you just saw a condom by your feet.  _Gross._  

     "Hey buddy,  what's up?" Dave starts driving. At least he didn't call you "sweetie" this time. That was just weird.

     "What do you think is up? I just got out of school and now I'm in some filthy-ass truck with a filthy-ass driver. If this were a movie I'd probably be on my way to some shady warehouse."

     He laughs, "Actually, it's my apartment, not a warehouse."

     "Does that mean it's still shady?" 

     "Like an emo kid dealing drugs under a tree at sunset."

     You cover your mouth as you chuckle. That's another thing you like about Dave, his metaphors. You've learned that the two of you share an interest for long-winded metaphors. Although yours are longer than his are.

     "Is it just going to be us at your apartment?"

     "Oooh Karkat, you saying you wanna be alone with me?" Dave smirks and rests a hand on your knee. You shove him off.

     "No! As  _if._ I just wanted to know if there'd be anyone to protect me from your perverse hands."

     "Well, luckily for you, my Bro's gonna be there. Though I can't say he'd be against me putting my hands all over you."

     "Gross! What the fuck is wrong with you and your family? What does your brother even  _do_ for a living?"

     He shrugs, "Bro's in a special industry. One involving many cameras and lots of times where I can't be in the house."

     Porn? Is that what he means? It's the first thought that pops into your mind. Either Dave has a filthy brother or you a have a filthy mind. You don't really wanna know which one is the truth.

     The rest of the drive is filled with idle chat about both of your days. All the homework you should be doing instead of wasting time like this. All the shits Dave doesn't give about the homework you should be doing instead of wasting time like this. Most of the ride, he's cracking jokes. You try not to laugh.

     You finally reach Dave's apartment complex and he parks outside, hopping out and going around to open your door. The fucking seatbelt is jammed. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. You were going to show Dave that you don't need him to open your door because this  _isn't_ a date, but your seatbelt is jammed and so he just walks right over and opens your door. 

     "Having some problems?" He reaches across your lap and undoes your seatbelt for you. Dave didn't even look surprised. Did he know your seatbelt would jam? Did he plan this?

     No. That's impossible.

     You huff and start getting out, "I'm fucking  _fine_ Strid-ahh!"

     Wow way to go. You misplaced your step and slipped on some of the trash on the truck's floor. Fuck. Dave catches you awkwardly and laughs, "You are all sorts of clusmy, gosh."

     "I wouldn't have tripped if your brother bothered to clean this shithole once in his life! This is disgusting." Dave just sets you down on the pavement and closes the door.

     "Don't be pissy kittykat, let's just go inside." You grumble and follow him as he leads you up to his apartment. You hate the nicknames he keeps calling you. It's not your name and you don't like it. You don't like any nicknames.

     "You know what would make this a fuckton more enjoyable? If you stopped using those ridiculous names, I don't like them."

     "Well first of all, you obviously don't mind them considering you still respond to them. And second of all," He turns and leans in (and a little down) so he's eye-to-shades with you, "They're cute."

     Ugh! Would he stop doing that?! How can this just be a hang-out session if he keeps flirting with you like that??

     Unless this isn't just a hang-out session. Unless he planned this all out. Is Dave really smart enough to trick you into a date? On second thought, was Sollux right the other day when he said Dave just wanted to get in your pants? You scan over Dave's face for any clues, but he looks pretty indifferent, so you just shove him away from you and grumble something about "personal space". 

      You already know this isn't going to go well.

\---

     You already know this is going to go great.

     So far, everything you planned has been working out. That's right, you  _are_ smart enough to plan all of this out. Remember those plans you were making on your way to school yesterday? You really thought them out.

     First, you gathered a whole bunch of trash into Dirk's truck (as if there wasn't already some). Then, you tugged on the seatbelt and screwed around with it because everyone knows Dirk's passenger seatbelt gets faulty and jammed when you screw with it too much. Finally, you made sure to clean the entire apartment (couldn't have Karkat walk in and see fluffy pompous asses everywhere).

     Everything was going exactly as planned. Karkat was being super pissy, which just made it easier to drop some good one-liners. Not only that, but Karkat was actually laughing at some of your jokes (even if he was covering up that all-too-cute smile). You got to open his door when the seatbbelt got jammed. And he even tripped on all the trash so you could catch him like a knight in shining armor.

     You are the Casanova. It is you.

     So now you two are chilling in your living room. Karkat's curled up on the couch, knees hugged to his chest, face in a scowl, ever permanent stick up his ass. You're browsing Netflix and Hulu and all those other TV things to try to find "Pinky and the Brain". Maybe it would've been a good idea to find the show before, but whatever.

     "Hey Dave, who's your lil' friend?" Bro walks out of his room in a t-shirt and boxers. He's holding a smuppet in one hand and a glass of (what you hope is) aj in the other. God damn it. Damn it all. You told him to stay in his room and keep all smuppets out. Under  **no circumstances** were the smuppets supposed to come out.

     "Just Karkat." Maybe if you don't talk too much, he'll get the hint and leave.

     He doesn't. Of course not.

     Bro plops down right between you and Karkat. Right. Between. You swear one day that you'll kill this douchebag... That is, if you even could.

     "Hiya Karkat, nice to meet you. I'm Bro," he sets the smuppet down and holds out his hand for Karkat to shake. Ugh. Why is he even pretending to have manners? 

     "Um.. Nice to meet you I guess," Karkat shakes the outstretched hand and then points to the smuppet, "What's that?"

     FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. NO. 

     You grab the smuppet before Bro can (a spectacular feat) and chuck it into the kitchen, "What's what?"

     Karkat and Bro just stare at you. They've got the same expression. That "what the fuck dude?" expression.

     "You on your period or something Davey?" Fuck you Bro. Fuck you, up the ass, with a chainsaw. Damn kinky bastard would probably like that anyways. 

     "Just go away, this is a private hang-out with just me and Karkat and I told you this before."

     "This is the guy you were talking about going on a date with? He's the one that's got you swooning like an old lady when you carry her groceries for her?" Ok, you never said any of that to him. You just told him about the private hang out. Whether he's just embarrassing you or he just figured it out that quick, you don't know.

     "I told you Bro, it's not a date."

     "Dave. Dave. I don't know if you knew this, but he's a  _troll._ " Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a motherfucking second? Is Bro being racist? Against trolls? You never knew he was the type. 

     A quick glance at Karkat and  _damn_ he looks pissed. This is going downhill really fast.

     "What's that supposed to do with anything? Am I not allowed to be friends with  _trolls_? Maybe I like trolls. Maybe I think Karkat is a really cool guy to hang out with and I don't care if he's not a human!"

     "Dave. Calm your tits. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying, they do their romance differently. You told me this was hang-out session between you and your 'new best bro, Karkat'. I assumed you meant a pale date."

     "What the fuck is a pale date?"

     Karkat finally pipes in, "It's a date between moirails. Which are two people who are like best friends, they stabilize each other and help each other out. Is this what all of of this is? Was this a pale date?"

     "No no no. This isn't any kind of date. I don't want to be your moirail."

     "So what is this then?" 

     "A hang-out! We're watching a kids cartoon from the 90's or something! That's all this is!"

     Bro whispers to Karkat, "I dunno about you, but I think he's being pretty defensive about this whole date thing. If I were you, I'd keep my eyes peeled for any funny business."

     You shove him, trying to get him off the couch. Enough of this horse-shit. You've had enough. No more. Bro grabs his smuppet and gets up, going back to his room. He must be satisfied with the havoc he wreaked. 

     Karkat's staring at you. You're not sure if he's mad or scared or happy or what. His emotions seem to be all over the place. You just start the first episode of the show. 

     Ok so, everything goes pretty smoothly after that. You and Karkat watch the show. He laughs occasionally. You laugh more than occasionally. The watching is going pretty well, not as you had planned, but pretty well nonethe-

     "Did you mean what you said earlier?" Karkat turns to you.

     "What, about the not wanting to be your moipal or whatever? 'Cause, like, if you wanted to be my moipal and I just totally hurt your feelings then I didn't mean to do that and-"

     "No. Dave. I don't give a fuck about that, I already have a moirail. I'm talking about what you said earlier than that."

     "What did I say?" You barely remember what just happened in the show, much less what you said, like, 3 hours ago.

     Karkat sighs and rolls his eyes, "When you said I was a cool guy. Remember that?"

     "Oh yeeeeeaaaaa. Yeah, I meant that. Why do you ask?"

     "I was just wondering.. I mean I know you've said it before, well actually you texted it, but it's different hearing you  _say_  it. Especially since you used to think trolls weren't cool. What changed your mind in, like, 3 days?"

     You shrug, no point in lying to the guy, "You did. You're really funny and all, and I guess it was finally time I stopped being a racist bastard anyways. I think I was always curious about trolls, but because of my friends I pretended I didn't like them. Honestly, I'm not sure. I just like hanging out with you because, y'know, you're cool."

     There's that Karkat smile again. Small, barely noticeable, but there. The cuteness of it leaves your head spinning. God, you are so into this guy. You've never liked someone so much.

     You wonder how long it'll take until you have him swooning into your arms. Imagine holding him close and stroking his cheek, whispering sweet nothings about love and romance. Oh yes, all the yaoi. All of it.

     "Dave?" Karkat pokes your shoulder. Shit, you must have been staring at him again. He probably thinks he's done something wrong. This is just like what happened the other day, although you doubt you'll get close to kissing him.

     "Sorry, must've spaced out on your face there for a sec." He relaxes slightly.

     "You scared me Dave. You had this creepy-ass grin on your face that made me feel like you were going to pull out a knife and start gutting me like a fish."

     Haha. What a guy, right?  Only Karkat could think of something so disturbing while staring at your grin. Note to self: don't think about Karkat while staring at Karkat, you'll start grinning like a psycho murderer.

     "Well, damn. You've caught me. You've totally ruined my plan to sneak you away to my shady apartment and murder you like a cold-blooded animal."

     That earns you an eye roll with a small smile. Hell yea. 15 exp. points gained. Level up!

     "So anyways, do you have any food? I'm kind of hungry."

     Shit! You knew you forgot something. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. You totally forgot about the fact that your apartment literally never has any food. Bro is a penny-pinching douchebag who never buys anything to eat even though you have enough food to stock your fridge and then some. All grocery shopping is left to rest on Dirk's shoulders, but that guy is such a lazy ass that he never buys anything anyways. The only time he ever leaves the house is to go to school or to see his boyfriend.

     Maybe you should just ask Bro for some pizza money. Although you know that there's no way he'll give you anything unless you give him something in return. Because unlike a good guardian, Bro thinks it's best to make you starve unless you're willing to do some weird (usually slightly sexual) act for his entertainment.

     You get up and go to the kitchen, already knowing full well what you'll find. Nothing. First, you check the fridge. There's some expired milk, a jar of strawberry jam, and something growing a tiny forest of mold on it. Disgusting. Next, you check the cabinets. What do you know, there's stale rice cakes, candy bracelets, and some gummies that are shaped like what appears to be dicks. Wonderful.

     "Let's see, we've got some jam, stale rice cakes, and gummy dicks." Karkat makes a face in disgust.

     "None of that sounds appealing in the slightest," his stomach growls again. So does yours. 

     Looks like you'll have to man up, "I'll ask Bro for some pizza money I guess."

     Karkat nods and plops back down on the couch. You begin the slow march back to Bro's room. Be a man Dave. Go beg your brother for pizza like the pathetic sack of shit you are. "Be a Man" from Mulan plays in your head. Battle music for the upcoming war.

      _You must swift as the coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious something something something mooooooon!_ _  
_

You knock softly on the door. You can do it Dave. You can ask for goddamn pizza money. You are a  _man._

     "Yo. What's up little man?" He's wearing his reading glasses. You can never take him seriously when he trades his anime shades out for those hi-I'm-a-forty-something-year-old-that-works-at-an-accounting-firm glasses. They're ridiculous and they aren't even ironic.

     "Hey, uh, Karkat's pretty starving and so am I, but all we have are stale rice cakes and dick gummies."

     "What's your point?"

     "My point is that Karkat doesn't want to eat that shit and neither do I. So I'm asking if you'll finally fulfill your role as a guardian and give me some money for pizza or something."

     "Excuse you Dave, but I do fulfill my role as a guardian. Just because you're not comfortable eating some penis-chews, doesn't mean I'm not providing for you."

     "Bro, c'mon. Please give me money for pizza." Your stomach growls as if to add on to your point.

     "What are you gonna do for it?" Fuck. You knew he was going to say that. You  _knew_. 

     "Can't you just feed for me once in your goddamn life? Why do I have to do something for you in order to get something you should be providing me anyways?"

     "First of all, I'm preparing you for life. And second of all, the favor isn't even that bad. You do it and I'll order you the cheesiest, gooiest, tomato-y-est pizza your obese little heart could ever desire." Oh yea, as if Bro could teach you anything about life. Look at where he ended up, raising his two kid brothers and selling himself for money he doesn't even use on caring for said brothers. What a role model. Let us all bow down to the true master of the game of life.

      That pizza does sound really good though. Your stomach growls at the thought. Maybe you can smart-talk your way out of this and snag a 20 from him.

     Before you can make any snide remark to him, he pulls you into his room and shuts the door. Shit. Now you know this is going to bad.

     You quickly glance around the room to see if there's anything already out that he could torture you with. Everything looks just as it always does though. Dirty clothes scattered on the floor here and there, smuppets fucking  _everywhere_ , his desk littered with string and stuffing and sewing needles. His bed is somewhat made, minus the small dent in it (he was probably sitting on it before you came in and disrupted his precious reading time). What was he reading anyways? You try to see what the cover of the book on the bedside table is, but you can't quite make it out. Probably one of those manga craps he's always reading. Most likely hentai.

     "Alright, what is it this time? Another dress to wear? More smuppets to make out with? Something strangely sexual and borderline incestuous?"

     Bro snorts and rolls his eyes, "I told you it's not that bad. Just a little favor."

     "Well, then, spit it out." You only pray it has nothing to with smuppets. Your last encounter with one was the least bit pleasant and your nightmares were plagued with pompous ass for weeks.

     He leans in and starts singing very low. It's so soft you can barely make out the words. But when you finally decipher them, your heart shrivels up and dies.

      _"There, you see her. Sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her. And you don't know why, but you're dying to try, you wanna **kiss the girl**." _

     No. NO. Please don't be meaning what you think he's meaning. Please no.

     Bro opens the door and points over at Karkat. He's sitting there, eyes glued to the TV.  _"Yes, you want her. Look at her you know you do. It's possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her. It don't take a word. Not a single word. Go on and **kiss the girl**."_

    You're going to die. Hopefully Karkat can't hear what's going on because if he could.. You don't even want to think about what he would do. Bro keeps singing in that awful Jamaican accent,  _"Sha-la-la-la-la-la. My, oh, my. Look at the boy, too shy. He ain’t gonna kiss the girl. Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Ain’t that sad? Ain’t it a shame? Too bad. You gonna miss the girl."_

Fuck. Fuck Bro and his ironic love of Disney songs and his ever-present need to put them in your life. You think back to a few minutes ago when you were mentally singing "Be a Man" and curse yourself. Stupid habits.

     He starts pushing you out the door and you try to resist.  _"Now’s your moment, floating in a blue lagoon. Boy, you better do it soon, no time will be better. She don’t say a word, and she won’t say a word, until you **kiss the girl**."_

It's not like you haven't thought about kissing Karkat before. Hell, you almost kissed him a few days ago. His lips are just so full and soft-looking. You wonder what it'd feel like to just lean in and- no. You need to stop. Pretty soon you'll be going along with all of this and smooching Karkat just like Bro wants. That's not apart of your plan. That's not supposed to happen until, like, step 5 and you're only at step 1.

      _"Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Don’t be scared, you got the mood prepared, go on and **kiss the girl**. Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Don’t stop now. Don’t try to hide it how, you wanna **kiss the girl**.Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Float along, listen to the song.The song say **kiss the girl**.Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Music play, do what the music say.You wanna **kiss the girl**."_

The asshole finally pushes you out into the hall and stands, blocking his doorway. The pizza still seems really tempting. You know you could get away with ordering at least five and that's breakfast and dinner for about week. You want this pizza. Scratch that, you  _need_ this pizza.

     Pizza or pride? Food for a week or following your plan? It's the moment of truth and you have to make a decision.

     "Why are you so obsessed with this anyways? Did you use to do this to Dirk and Jake?"

     "Ha. Those two were sucking face way before I ever met that kid. And, I want you to go out there and kiss Karkat because I see the way you look at him and I ship it. It makes my kokoro go doki doki." Fuck his stupid anime references.

     He gives you another shove towards Karkat and you swat him away. You walk back to the couch and plop down next to Karkat. Like, right next to him. Close enough that your legs are touching. Ok, moment of truth. Deep breaths everyone.

     "Um.. Do you mind? I was trying to enjoy some personal space here." Karkat turns to you grumpily, pouting.

     You slide an arm around his shoulders and scoot closer, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know personal space was so important to you Mr. Vantas. I just couldn't help but get closer to you and your cute self." Well played Dave. Well played. Go get a cement pourer because you are laying it on thick.

     Karkat looks at you like you're crazy, his eyes searching over your face to find any sort of clue as to why you're acting like this. Poor guy is probably scared out of his mind. You are the predator and he is the prey. Oh the things you will do for pizza.

     The blush on his face is to die for. It's very faint, barely noticeable, but you can see it and it looks, just, wow. "Uh.. Dave? Did your Bro knock you upside the thinkpan or something? Why are you acting like this? I thought this was just a hang-out."

     You lean into him, ghosting your lips over his. Oh yea, you're definitely going for it now, "Want me to stop?" Karkat gasps softly and blushes more. He doesn't say anything which basically gives you the mental thumbs up you needed. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Do it for the pizza Dave.

     You kiss him.

     It's great.

     It's just a soft kiss, nothing intimate or sensual, just a kiss two 14-year-olds might share. Karkat sits there stupidly for a moment before he gains some common sense and kisses you back. Oh god. You're kissing a  _troll._ And not just any troll, but  _Karkat Vantas._ Holy shit.

     After a few seconds you pull away and smile at him. He looks startled, confused, and a little scared. That was an amazing kiss. So much romance and angsty teen drama packed into one simple kiss. 

     "Dave. What the fuck was that for?"

     You shrug, "I dunno, it just felt like the right time to do it. I've been thinking about it since the other day."

     "So this wasn't just a hang out then. You planned this all from the beginning just so you could kiss me and I fell for it like an ignorant shit." 

     "No. I planned this out as a hang out, but I forgot how fucking adorable you are and I couldn't resist the urge to kiss you."

     "Sure Dave. I'm sure that's  _exactly_ what happened. Do you not remember how I specifically told you to keep your hands to yourself? I mean, c'mon Dave, am I really that irresistible? Because, for some reason, I really fucking doubt that."  
  
     "Wait what? But you kissed back.." Is he really about to lose his shit over this? Didn't he want this? You certainly thought he did, but maybe you were wrong.  
  
     "Oh,  _I'm_ sorry, was I just supposed to sit there like a fucking statue while you rubbed your nasty lips all over mine? I was  _trying_ to not make it awkward, but, now that I think about it, maybe Sollux was right."  
  
     "What are you talking about?"

     "Sollux. My best friend. He told me that all you wanted was to get in my pants and y'know what? I kinda think he was right for once in his miserable life," he gets up and grabs his bag, heading towards the door.

     "Woah woah woah, Karkat! That's not true!"  
  
     "Really? Really?! Am I supposed to believe that you actually care about me romantically? I saw the way you were flirting with Terezi! I'm no different to you than her!!"

     "What?" 

     "FUCK YOU!" And there he goes. Wow. Talk about dramatic. But seriously, did you really fuck up that much? And what was that whole deal with Terezi? And Sollux? Does he have some sort of pent-up anger that he's tried to bottle up against you? Did he just bubble over?  
  
     You look back at Bro. His facial expression just reads "Wow, didn't see  _that_ one coming". You hate him. You hate him so much right now.

     Kiss Karkat! It'll go swell! He won't mind at all, I know because I'm just a huge fucking romance expert.

     He slowly and quietly closes his bedroom door. You get up to go to your room, but stop in front of his door. A good, well-deserved kick right to the front of his door feels good. It also feels good when you scream "I HATE YOU" at the top of your lungs.

     Cool kids don't cry, but you're not feeling very cool right now.

     A very small part of you wishes that Bro would come out and comfort you. That he would tell you that everything's gonna be ok, that you're a teenager and you just have hormones and it'll all get better. A small part of you wishes that he could just be some form of a fucking guardian for once!

     But he doesn't. He stays in his room because all of that mushy stuff is uncool and he's trying to teach you to be a man. 

     So you cry in your room, alone, and hide away. Because men don't cry in public.

\---

     You're in your room. After walking alllll the way home, you are finally in your room. Your legs are sore from all the walking, your eyes are puffy from all the crying, and your stomach is still empty.

     Kankri saw you come in all upset-like and you're pretty sure he's downstairs cooking. You and your brother may not get along too well, and you may not be that close, but you both know how to comfort each other. Kankri likes to be left alone for a bit and then he wants someone to vent to. You just want to be left alone until you can piece word together. During a particularly bad mood, you like to turn to food. And Kankri knows that.

     It's no surprise when he comes upstairs and hands you a little bowl of butterscotch pudding. He knows you like pudding, something about it makes you feel bigger and superior. It's a weird experience. But he knows you like it and so he gives you the pudding without saying a word (a rare thing).

     Once you finish eating, you both sit there for a while. You can tell Kankri is waiting for the right time to speak. It's kind of making you nervous.

     "What happened with David today that made you so upset?" He's keeping it short. Good.

     "He kissed me."  
  
     "Oh.. And that is a problem because..?"

     "Because he was flirting with Terezi at lunch! And Sollux told me from day one that Dave just wanted to get in my pants!! What if he's right?! What if I'm just fucking idiot who keeps falling for anyone that so much as looks at me?!"  
  
     Kankri pauses before answering, "Karkat, you are not unintelligent just because you fell for someone like Dave. Trust me, you are a teenager and with your age comes hormones. You cannot help but succumb to your body's urges. You just want to love and be loved and that is perfectly normal for you. It will get better Karkat."

     He's too good to you sometimes. He's almost like a parent, which is nice. It's not like your dad wouldn't do this for you, it's just that he's always at the church. So it's relieving to have Kankri here to comfort you. You're glad that you don't have to suffer through this kind of teen drama alone, even if you know you overreacted a bit (a lot).  

     For now you're content to listen to Kankri complain about how you're triggering him by hugging him close and crying on his shoulder because he "values personal space Karkat!" But you know he secretly enjoys the fact that you're giving him some love instead of some hate. He doesn't get this a lot and he doesn't expect it either. But that's ok, you two are close when you need to be and that's just fine.

     That's all you need for now.


End file.
